Every office has one. The guy whose cubicle you quickstep past, to avoid his opinions: Television is debasing our culture. People don’t recycle. Politicians lie. Let’s call this guy Henley. He’ll tell you and tell you, and tomorrow he will say it again. Long Road Out of Eden, the Eagles’ first studio record since 1979, feels like Don Henley’s testament. The title cut is a 10-minute ballad where he explains what’s wrong with the U.S.: fat cats, oil companies, SUVs, cell phones, beef brisket. We are all driving “through the litter and the wreckage and the cultural junk.”

Once, the Eagles built Hotel California, a dangerously cool place — you could taste how sexy and intoxicating the Golden State was, and also how it could twist your soul into a pretzel. They don’t even pretend to like this paradise lost anymore. Even jokester Joe Walsh has soured: His big moment, “Last Good Time in Town,” sounds like lite jazz playing poolside while you wait for your drink.

The best songs here are the least ambitious: love laments that coleader Glenn Frey and bassist Timothy B. Schmit both sing the hell out of. The harmonies are as crisp and swoony as ever. But within a song or so, Henley returns with another admonishment. This double-CD set ends with a pair of songs, sung by Frey and Henley, meant as messages to their children. By then, though, the kids have probably snorted the brisket, popped some 50 Cent into the car stereo and totaled the SUV.

Download: “Guilty of the Crime”