My Music: Lisa Lampanelli
THE FIRST ALBUM I BOUGHT/STOLEWell, you know I love the blacks; I love the chocolate love. So I had Morris Day and the Time's single "Jungle Love," because I thought it was a how-to manual.
THE SONG I LOST MY VIRGINITY TO
U2, “Sunday Bloody Sunday.” Because isn’t that how it is for all the girls? C’mon, you’ve popped a few cherries …
THE SONG THAT SAYS WHAT I NEVER COULD
“My Heart Will Go On,” by Celine Dion. Because if I ever approach saying anything that cheesy, please rip out my cunt and feed it to Rosie O’Donnell. Now, I want you to quote me accurately and don’t ever fucking just end it at "Celine Dion." Because then people will think I like that piece of shit. You better fucking quote me accurately, you little fag.
THE SONG THAT ALWAYS COMES ON WHEN I'M TANKED
Billy Joel, “The River of Dreams.” Because if I’m drinking, I’m pissing. Although I never really was a drinker. I use food as my substitute. I’m addicted to food and men. Both chocolate.
THE SONG I WAS PROBABLY CONCEIVED TO
James Brown, “Get Up Offa That Thing.” That’s what my mother should have done, and I wouldn’t be here answering these stupid questions.
THE ALBUM THAT AN EX RUINED
Rolling Stones, Sticky Fingers. But it had nothing to do with the music. He rubbed one out on the album.
THE SONG WITH MY FAVORITE INSULT LYRIC
Prince: “I’m not a woman/I’m not a man/I am something you will never understand.” Trust me, you tell a man that and we’ll quickly learn what it sounds like "When Doves Cry." That was lyrical by LL, I gotta tell you. That’s a beautiful thing I just told you. Ya heard?
THE ALBUM I REACH FOR WHEN I MAKE SWEET, SWEET LOVE
I would have to say pet sounds — not the Beach Boys' record. Literally, the sound of dogs barking, to drown out the weird sounds I make.
BEST SONG FOR PILLOW-BITING PRISON SEX
I would have to say the Pet Shop Boys’ "What Have I Done To Deserve This." Or if by “prison sex” you mean “anal rape,” it’s probably something by Clay Aiken — because he’s a fag! The only thing that’s achin’ is Clay’s ass. This is the easiest interview I’ve ever done, it’s so much fun.
THE ALBUM THAT UNITES US ALL
I’m a uniter, not a divider, bitch. My comedy brings everyone together. Hence it would be no surprise that of course I love “We Are the World.” Because it took 50 douche bags to get a point across to the world that little niglets are starving in Africa. And spell "niglets" right. N-I-G-L-E-T-S. I’m sick and tired of not getting those proper words correct.
Lisa Lampanelli official site
