Robert Evans: “I Was Dead — They Gave Me Last Rites”

“Those two girls up there,” says Robert Evans suddenly, breaking off from a lengthy discourse on the comparative popularity of Guns N’ Roses and the Rolling Stones, “they’re my two secretaries.” He waves imperiously toward a giant black-and-white Helmut Newton photograph in the bedroom of his sumptuous Hollywood home. It shows two women, naked except for their stilettos, making out — apparently in the garden right outside the bedroom window.

“The one on the bottom, the redhead — she was here about 15 minutes ago. The blonde didn’t do good dictation. I fired her eventually. You think I’m joking,” he growls, “but I’m not.”

Although it’s only 5 in the afternoon, the legendary 73-year-old movie producer — immortalized in last year’s biopic The Kid Stays in the Picture and now the star of his own cartoon series, Kid Notorious — reclines on his bed in his pajamas. His girlfriend, Tatjana, a blonde maybe half his age, wanders in and out of the room.

Evans unspools anecdotes about his work on the ’70s classics The Godfather and Chinatown; about provoking Frank Sinatra to divorce his new wife, Mia Farrow, by persuading her to keep working on Rosemary’s Baby when Sinatra wanted her to stop; and how P. Diddy enlisted his help to select an outfit for this year’s MTV awards.

Evans listens to a lot of music, but much of his collection was consumed by the fire that destroyed his personal screening room a few months ago. “I had a collection that could fill this room — I could have opened a store, I had so many,” he says. “But they ain’t there anymore. They’re ashes.”

Cat Power, Moon Pix
Matador, 1998
“I heard this in the car with Tatjana. I laughed, because Pussy Power was the original name of my cartoon. I wanted to call it that, but I had fights with the network, and they wouldn’t allow me to. I don’t think anything’s wrong with Pussy Power. I like pussy. Isn’t a little cat a pussy? If you have a dirty mind and think of other things, it’s not my fault.”


Andrea Bocelli, Cieli Di Toscana
Universal, 2001
“I love his voice — I don’t look at him as an opera singer at all. It’s an aphrodisiac. When he sings, it’s terribly romantic. It just puts me in a mood. I bought all his records because they work well. That’s all I have to say: They work well. It’s great music to play, you know, for two. Draw your own conclusions.”


Guns N' Roses, Appetite for Destruction
Geffen, 1987
“I met Slash in 1996. He hangs here a lot — together we make a strange combo, and no one understands why he’s always around. I love him because he’s so cool and laid-back. I like his softness, his gentleness — it was totally unexpected, and it’s the unexpected that catches you.”


Michael Jackson, Off the Wall
Epic, 1979
“I think he’s one of the true geniuses of the twentieth century. I’ve become very friendly with him. I was up at Neverland, and he was writing something for the children of the world — it gave me chills. I don’t believe any of the stories about him. Only that he loves children, which he does. He’s a fine, fine guy.”


The Rolling Stones, Exile on Main Street
Virgin, 1972
“Mick Jagger — we’ve been friends for many years. In 1968, he stayed here for a few days. I think his libido is as active today as it was then. I could tell you my story about him…but I won’t. A wise man once told me, ‘The greatest insurance policy for continued breathing is continued silence.’ Next!”


Jerry Goldsmith, Chinatown: Original Soundtrack
Varese Sarabande, 1995
“Music can either make or break a picture. We had scored Chinatown, and we took it out to preview. It didn’t work. I thought it was the music. I went to Jerry Goldsmith, and he composed it in eight days. Without that haunting score, the picture doesn’t work.”


Nelson Riddle, The Great Gatsby: Original Soundtrack
Paramount, 1974
“ ‘What’ll I Do’ is Irving Berlin. It’s about remorse and love. When Robert Redford looks across from the dock, wanting to be with Daisy, you hear this. I made a wedding video and used this. The song will last forever. The marriage didn’t.”

Moby, 18
V2, 2002
“Moby I like for one reason: I was in the video for ‘We Are All Made of Stars.’ I dug his music, and I got a kick — like a kid — out of being in a video. That meant more to me than being the lead in a picture. What did I have to do? Nothing! I just had to sit around, and they photographed me looking at things.”


Frank Sinatra, Sinatra at the Sands
Reprise, 1966
“It could be Sinatra at the Sands or Sinatra on the John — anything Sinatra does. I met him when I was shooting my first leading role. We became good friends, and then we became bitter enemies — because of Rosemary’s Baby and Mia. A lot of threats were made.”


Louis Armstrong, What A Wonderful World
MCA, 1968
“I’m writing a new book called The Fat Lady Sang. It starts with me dying and being reborn. I was dead, and they gave me last rites. I had a triple stroke. In my head, I heard Ella Fitzgerald singing Louis Armstrong’s ‘What a Wonderful World.’ So the fat lady sang.”