Movies of the Year
KICKASSEST MOVIE OF THE YEARSin City
For this comic book adaptation that truly adapted its source material, director Robert Rodriguez went black-and-white and recruited Sin City creator Frank Miller as co-director to better ape the graphic novels’ noir-ish vibe. Of course, given the assorted acts of violence on display, a color version would probably have lasted around 90 seconds after the censors had put away their scissors. But even more than its brilliantly crafted mayhem, the appeal of Sin City lies in its stellar cast, from Bruce Willis’s world-weary copper to the now facially freakish Mickey Rourke’s mercifully makeup-heavy turn as hero-psycho Marv.
BEST MOVIE TO WATCH STANDING UP
Murderball
Why would you want to watch the year’s most compelling documentary upright? Because you can, fortunately — unlike its quadriplegic rugby-playing stars. Not that Mark Zupan & co. have any use for your sympathy, as Murderball proved — unless you’re a woman and it’s going to help get you in the sack.
BEST MOVIE TO MAKE YOU FEEL OK ABOUT BEING A 39-YEAR-OLD VIRGIN
The 40-Year-Old Virgin
Judd Apatow’s superlative sex comedy narrowly beats out Wedding Crashers as the most successful laugh machine of the year on the three all-important grounds of humor, character development and cast members’ willingness to have body hair violently removed for our viewing pleasure.
MOVIE YOUR PET BEAR WON’T LIKE
Grizzly Man
2005 was a vintage year for documentaries, with The Aristocrats, Inside Deep Throat, Enron: The Smartest Guys in the Room and the aforementioned Murderball out-entertaining nearly all their made-up competitors. But none could top Werner Herzog’s film about a guy who obsessively loved bears right up to, and possibly including, the point where he got eaten by one.
MOVIE YOUR PET SQUID WON’T LIKE
OldBoy
Korean director Chan-wook Park’s beautiful, perverse revenge tragedy was not only the best foreign film of the past 12 months but the best horror movie too. And the best flick to feature someone eating a live octopus. Honorable mention: The Squid and the Whale.
BEST SUMMER BLOCKBUSTER TO FEATURE A JOKE ABOUT SPELUNKING
Batman Begins
Actually, Christopher Nolan’s taut, rubber-nipple-free examination of the Caped Crusader’s twisted origins was the finest summer blockbuster, period. Christian Bale played Batman perfectly as a man hellbent on beating the crap out of baddies to avenge the death of his parents — and because he just kinda liked it.
WORST MOVIE OF THE YEAR
Cursed
Despite quantity far outstripping quality, horror-flick-wise, in ’05 Wes Craven’s coughed-up hairball of a werewolf flick still stood head and shoulders below the crapulous likes of House of Wax, The Amityville Horror and the non-horror-but-still-horrific Bewitched. Craven would redeem himself with the fabulously lean thriller Red Eye. Christina Ricci, Shannon Elizabeth, Joshua Jackson and in all probability the film’s key grip, on the other hand, would not.
