Transformers

Atari — PS2
JJ

Pundits blame Generation Y’s famously short attention span on MTV, but they’re misplacing the credit — in 1986, Transformers: The Movie was single-handedly destroying adolescent patience with an assault of millisecond cuts, ceaseless laser fights, sudden dance sequences, bizarre Orson Welles cameos and a plot treated with less respect than a Led Zeppelin groupie.

If only this game were as manic and deranged. What better venue than a flashy console game to toss in everything but the kitchen sink? Hell, the kitchen sink could morph into a 10-foot plasma cannon! Instead, we’re presented with a tame third-person shooter where you choose from just three characters on your quest to rescue the Transformers known as Mini-Cons (not to be confused with ex-cons or Condoleezza Rice) from the evil forces of the Decepticons.

For added speed, morph into car mode and zip around environments like the Amazon jungle and a snowy mountain range, usually slamming into more walls and trees than you intend to.

Searching for Mini-Cons gets tedious, as do the firefights, which require little strategy beyond holding a button down until your enemies explode — suggesting that this game is for younger audiences, who’d likely rather watch Yu-Gi-Oh! anyway.