Dope Man!

1 A guitar cable or strap: “You leave the guitar plugged in, of course.”

2 Electrical cords from kitchen appliances: “Going to the kitchen creates the illusion that you’re not hiding, especially if you’ve already gone to the bathroom twice that night. If you leave the fridge open and tie off with a nearby electrical cord, it just looks like you’re trying to get a drink.”

3 In particular, cords from toasters: “The toaster weighs the cord down perfectly around your arm so you don’t have to use two hands.”

4 The cord connecting a telephone handset to the receiver: “You can be paging your dealer while doing your last hit.”

5 The sleeve of a shirt or the leg of a pair of pants: “Usually I’m wearing the shirt or pants. I’ll just take off one leg or arm.”

6 Twiggy Ramirez’s dreadlocks: “That’s the only live animal I’ve ever used.”

7 The sash of a robe: “It’s the breakfast of champions.”

8 A computer-mouse cord: “You can always e-mail 9-1-1 if there’s a problem.”

9 A condom: “Just make sure it’s not lubricated, it’s not your last one, and you take it off your arm before going back in the room or restaurant.”

10 Car safety belts: “I’ve actually gone so far as to reach in the back of the car, grab an empty Coke can, rip it in half, turn it upside down so the little indentation on the bottom becomes its own spoon, and cook the heroin in it. Then I suck it up with a syringe and tie myself off with my shoulder strap, all while driving. I’ve even gotten [a friend], who’s a terrible shot, off while driving.”

Excerpted from Don’t Try This at Home, by Dave Navarro & Neil Strauss, © 2004 by ReganBooks