Who Does Chamillionaire Think He Is?

So, what does your self-portrait say about you?
Well, the lizard represents me, the chameleon. It says I’m about my business. You can see the lizard’s holding the money bag.

What do you spend too much money on, Mr. Lizard?
Helping other people. I’ve bailed people out of jail, paid people’s rent. I might be a little too nice like that. If I was just working for me, I’d be on vacation right now. I’ve got enough money to last the rest of my life.

What was your nickname in high school?
I always had a nickname or a rap name that had to do with money. At first, it was Payroll. I had a necklace with a money clip on the end of it. Even when I didn’t have money, I used to talk about how I was going to get money. Then I changed my name to Chamillionaire, and it still makes people think about money.

If we drug-tested you, what would we find?
You’d find nothing. I’ve never taken a drug in my life. I don’t curse. And I’ve never been drunk. You cannot get me to take more than two drinks. I hate how people get sloppy and fall all over the place when they drink. I’ll end up driving everybody home, making sure they get home safe.

What personal habit do you have that other people find annoying?
I don’t answer the phone. People will call me a hundred times and I won’t pick it up. I’ve been grinding hard while they sit there smoking or playing video games, and then they call me just to talk. And I’m like, “You’re wasting time. Get to the point.” That annoys people. They’ll be like, “Oh, you’re too good to have meaningless conversations?” I used to be able to do that. Now I’ve got an empire to hold up.

Who do you have on speed dial?
Bank of America. I check my account just about every day. [Laughs.] I’m all over my bank account like a hawk.

Ever videotaped yourself having sex?
Never, man. I never understood the fascination with that.

How about watching someone else’s sex tape?
I never was into that. I go to strip clubs because that’s what rappers do to promote themselves, but I’m not the person that gets all the lap dances. It’s a tease. Some people like to sit and watch somebody else’s tape. That don’t make me feel good. It makes me feel bad.

So how would you characterize your taste in sex?
I’m pretty conservative. Whips and chains and that dominatrix stuff? I don’t like that. All those scars? No way. It’s not a battle.

And what food won’t you eat?
One time, I told my mom I didn’t want to eat squash. She was like, “It’s good for you.” She kept on making me eat it. So I threw up. Then she stopped making me eat it.

That was probably wise. Have you ever been arrested?
About five years ago, I was in jail for four days. It seemed like a year. It was just dirty, man. It was so packed that the only place left to sleep was by the toilet. And people peed on the floor. It was so cold you had to use a blanket, but the blanket smelled like urine.

When was your last booty call?
I get a booty call every day. Or a booty e-mail from a person I don’t know. If I hadn’t deleted a picture some girl sent me yesterday, you’d be like, “Wow!” How many of them do you answer? None. I don’t respond to those MySpace e-mails, either. Little girls that send those pictures? It’s false.

What is God wearing right now?
[Smiles.] I hope He’s wearing a Chamillionaire chain.