Guide

When Will Your Favorite Pop Star Croak?

BRITNEY SPEARS
vs.
LINDSAY LOHAN

CURRENT AGE
25
21

DEATH CALCULATOR STARTS AT
81

Embattled: Bitter custody fight for two babies; sent to rehab; accused of canceling interviews, acting “erratic,” stealing designer clothes
-5
Embattled: In rehab for third time; being sued for assault, reckless driving; accused of poor work ethic; rumored to have stolen designer clothes
-3
Exhibitionist/Promiscuous: Seen topless in hotel pool with video extra; reports say she needlessly disrobes
-3
Exhibitionist/Promiscuous: Blogs reported she walked around naked in rehab; insists she hates sleeping alone
-3
Anger issues: Hurled death threats at paparazzi; attacked a car with an umbrella
-5
Anger issues: Allegedly commandeered car to pursue assistant in a high-speed chase, endangering lives, while drunk
-7
Scary motorist: Drives one-handed with lapdog on lap; drove Mercedes into a parked car
-3
Scary motorist: Arrested for two DUIs, the first involved driving into a tree while reportedly intoxicated
-7
Chain-smoker: Ever-present Marlboros; secondary smoke in bars
-7
Chain-smoker: Ever-present Marlboros; secondary smoke in bars; has asthma
-9
Hired help: Has stress-relieving servants but can’t keep them
-1
Hired help: Has stress-relieving servants but can’t keep them
-1
Stimulants: Red Bull, Starbucks
-4
Stimulants: Red Bull, caught with coke
-12
Surrogate love: When not in rehab, shops compulsively
-1
Surrogate love: When not in rehab, shops compulsively
-1
Denial: Blames mother and ex-manager for her problems
-2
Denial: Claims drugs weren’t hers, she wasn’t driving (“the black kid was”)
-2
Fishbowl scrutiny: Has love/hate relationship with cameras
-2
Fishbowl scrutiny: Has love/hate relationship with cameras
-2
Inner-circle stress: Allegedly cut off cash-dependent family; two failed marriages; surrounds herself with people with questionable motives
-11
Inner-circle stress: Cut off ex-con dad; mom is more party pal than parental authority; surrounds herself with people with questionable motives
-7
Career free fall: Album release in serious doubt; recent self-organized shows were tacky disasters
-3
Career free fall: Last few movies bombed; difficult to insure; album release in serious doubt
-3

ESTIMATED LIFE EXPECTANCY
34
24
PROJECTED YEAR OF DEATH
2016
2010

Gerontologist Dr. David Demko: “These ladies are in crisis. A serious break from public life is needed for reevaluating their lives. Their sanity (and longevity) depends on it.”
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