Gym Class Heroes: How To … Be a Gas–Station Gourmet

1. Economize
Travis McCoy, vocals
“When we started touring, we’d buy expensive shit, but you can get more for your money at a gas station. For nachos, take Cool Ranch Doritos, add Philadelphia cream cheese and salsa, then microwave. It’s the craziest taste your tongue will ever come in contact with. It’s like Napoleon Dynamite’s dance — in your mouth.”

2. Improvise
Matt McGinley, drums
“Domino’s will not deliver to you while you’re on a road trip — I’ve tried. So you gotta work with what you’re given. I buy a Celeste cheese pizza and microwave it for about two minutes. Then I top it with Dole pineapple chunks from a can and the ham from Lunchables. You’ve made the ghetto gas–station Hawaiian pizza.”

3. Maximize
Disashi Lumumba–Kasongo, guitar
“The key is to feel as full as you can with as little food as possible. First, cook some microwavable macaroni and cheese. Then cut some string cheese and American cheese into little bits, sprinkle it on top and microwave everything for another 30 seconds. All that cheese fills you up immensely.”

4. Hydrate
Eric Roberts, bass
“With drinks, you’re looking for quantity — on the road you’re gonna be thirsty, and you can’t stock up. I like the one–dollar Arizona 24–ounce can. It’s delicious, and when you’re done, you can piss in the empty can during long drives. Hopefully it won’t tip over while you’re sleeping — it’s awful waking up to the stale smell of piss.”