My Music: Larry the Cable Guy

FIRST ALBUM I BOUGHT/STOLE
I don't steal. Well, candy. I steal candy. The first album I bought was Steve Martin's A Wild and Crazy Guy. I bought that at a music camp in Colorado named Evergreen Pine — that's right, I was a badass. They had a talent show, and me and this guy Benji, we were like 12 years old, and we went up and did the album for the talent show. Steve Martin had the dumbest jokes on the planet, but he delivered them in a way that you had to laugh.

SONG I LOST MY VIRGINITY TO
I don't remember a particular song, but I know the album: It was the last George Strait album. The one that came out last year.

COOLEST MUSICIAN EVER
By far, Alice Cooper. Alice Cooper was just awesome. He was cool with cutting his head off and the whole deal, and I loved it. I'm sure a lot of people want me to cut my head off during my own show.

LOCATION OF THE BEST JUKEBOX I KNOW
That would be Joe's Shack in Missoula, Montana. The strippers dance to songs from the jukebox. It's a lot of heavy metal stuff — AC/DC, Cinderella, Poison, Mötley Crüe — that was the big stripper heyday, '85 through '91. One time, this girl was dancing for my buddy Tom Ryan, and she was spread-eagle right in front of his face, playing that Whitney Houston, and right when she spread her legs, the lyric came on, "You can't take away my di-gni-ty…" That is a true story. Didn't happen in Missoula, but still, it was hilarious.

KARAOKE SELECTION THAT SLAYS 'EM EVERY TIME
"You've Lost That Lovin' Feelin'" by Hall & Oates. I used to be a black belt in karaoke, and that would slay them every time. But I think the last time I sung karaoke was at a bar in Tulsa, Oklahoma, in 1996. It's really hard — I can do stand-up in front of 10,000 people, but I cannot get up and sing in front of 50.

SONG THAT MAKES ME CRY
"Eruption," by Van Halen, because I was at a Van Halen concert in the front row, and the girl next to me took her top off and hopped up and down the whole time. So now every time I hear "Eruption," I cry because I can't remember the show.

SONG THAT MAKES ME DRIVE LIKE DALE JR.
The Byrds, "Turn! Turn! Turn! (To Everything There Is a Season)," because that's all he ever does … But I would say the song that always makes me drive fast would be anything from Boston. When they pull you over they should hand out Carpenters CDs. No one can drive fast to that.

SONG THAT PEOPLE CAN'T BELIEVE I LOVE
"Sailing," by Christopher Cross. I tell you what, I think it stems from my love of the movie Arthur, and that other song he sang on the Arthur album. And I gotta tell you, I kinda like Barry Manilow. People can say what they want about him, but if they ever broke up with a girlfriend, they would listen to him. I don't care how much of a badass a guy thinks he is — there are bikers around the country just getting done with slitting the throat of their wives, listening to Barry Manilow.

SONG I PUT ON TO GIT 'ER DONE
You know, every time I make love I put on Kenny Chesney. Or heavy metal music. "Welcome to the Jungle" is very good rough-sex stuff. I like it. Matter of fact, before I got married my buddies got me a blow-up doll with a patch kit. That's how rough I was.

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