Dear Superstar: John Mellencamp

“Goddammit!” John Mellencamp growls at the TV. The University of Illinois basketball team just took a 12-point lead over his beloved Indiana Hoosiers. As the clock winds down, it’s taking the Hoosiers’ five-game winning streak with it. “They’re fucking blowing it,” he says, shaking his head and reaching for his half-empty pack of American Spirits.

Truth be told, we’re a little nervous about this meeting. The 55-year-old Mellencamp has a reputation for being a bit, well … ornery. In the ’70s, as a would-be punk named Johnny Cougar, he’d storm out of interviews, throw onstage tantrums and generally do all he could to live up to the nickname Little Bastard. Then in the ’80s he hit his stride, as the raspy-voiced bard of the American heartland who penned regular-Joe staples like “Jack & Diane” and raised over $30 million for Farm Aid, which he cofounded. Now, 31 years after Mellencamp’s debut, his recently released Freedom’s Road has supplied one of his biggest hits yet, a warts-and-all flag-waver called “Our Country” that’s appearing in Chevy truck ads roughly every 8.3 seconds.

Today, in his well-appointed suite at L.A.’s Hotel Bel Air, Mellencamp couldn’t be more pleasant. He answers the door in sneakers and track pants, his glasses perched on his forehead like an absentminded professor’s. Mellencamp is a family man now, and the adjoining bedroom echoes with the laughter of his wife — the fashion model and photographer Elaine Irwin, whom he calls “Mom” — and his sons Speck, 11, and Hud, 12. He’s traded wrecking his motorcycle for giving his boys guitar lessons; he’s even taken up oil painting.

But when talk turns to tonight’s State of the Union address, the Little Bastard rears his head. “Oh, I’m sure Bush will have some bullshit about ‘alternative energy,’” Mellencamp sneers, stubbing out another cigarette. “That’s like a candy salesman saying he’s gonna not sell candy anymore. He’s an oilman and a bullshit artist.” Exactly the kind of guy for whom the pull-no-punches Mellencamp has little patience.

We ask if, as the quintessential man of the people, he’s looking forward to answering questions from his fans. “Sure,” he says, glancing at his watch. “But the speech starts soon. Let’s get this show on the road …”

What’s the secret to hanging on to a supermodel wife who’s half your age?
Lbubbs12, Troy, NY
Hey, I resent that! I’m only 18 years older than her. It’s a Chinese proverb: Half your age, plus seven. Of course, there’s a sliding scale, so now she’s too old. But all joking aside, you have to be friends, supermodel or no supermodel.

Didn’t you once call Bob Seger a sellout for licensing his “Like a Rock” for a Chevy commercial? What gives?
Cappydoodle, Waterloo, IA
I don’t think I said “sellout” — I think I said it hurt my feelings. But let’s not forget, that was 15 years ago: Bob was on the radio; Bob was on MTV. It’s not like that anymore. Guys who’ve been around as long as me, we’re not gonna get played. And as somebody else said, “You’re giving me shit for something you would have done a long time ago, so shut up.”

What’s the first thing you’d do if you were elected president?
Scheny44, Tubac, AZ
I’d start diplomatic conversations with the Middle East, right now. Even the people I don’t agree with. Next, I’d get rid of fossil fuels. Then I’d solve the health-care crisis. And then I’d put some money into helping poor people get out of the gutter. There was actually a guy who tried to get me to run for governor of Indiana — but I sleep until 11 in the morning and stay up till three. I don’t think the legislature could keep my hours.

Did your 1994 heart attack change the way you look at life?
Kanercut, Oak Creek, CO
I’m much less angry and outraged. Used to be I was always pissed off about something. I’m much mellower now. Lakeside John.

You’re a blue-collar guy. What’s the worst pre-rock-star job you ever had?
Inyo128, Hartford, CT
Gathering eggs. People don’t have any idea, but you go into a henhouse and there’s 50,000 chickens — they’re stinky, and they’re aggressive. And you’d have to get all the eggs, literally hundreds and hundreds and hundreds, or else they wouldn’t pay you. But it was a good job for a teenager: $16 a day.

It’s 1985, and you’re backstage with Bob Dylan, Willie Nelson and Neil Young at the very first Farm Aid. Describe the scene.
james.cotton, Wamego, KS
It was pretty neat. Oddly enough, though, the thing I remember most is my Uncle Joe. He was a big, tall, handsome devil — a real Paul Newman kind of guy. I was standing backstage and Loretta Lynn comes up and says, “Hi, John!” And then she looked up at Joe and just gasped — “Oh my God.” Her gum fell right out of her mouth.

Have you ever heard the punk band Jon Cougar Concentration Camp?
Weeblem, Mount Nebo, WV
I’ve heard of them, but I’ve never heard their music. There’s a bunch of those bands. I don’t mind. I had a punk phase, too: In the early ’70s I was in a band called Thrash. We did New York Dolls songs, Iggy and the Stooges. If I’ve sung “Search and Destroy” once, I’ve sung it a billion times.

What do you like more, Indy racing or basketball?
stephen.persa, Burlington, VT
Well, my wife was the first female to drive the Indianapolis 500 pace car, which is pretty neat — particularly when you know that she can’t drive. But I’d definitely say basketball. I’ve known Larry Bird since we were kids. When he was on the Celtics and I was playing in Boston, he and Kevin McHale would come to my dressing room after the show and smoke me under the table.

How many pairs of blue jeans do you own?
Jordi OT, Trenton, NJ
I can’t even count. I have jeans that are 30 years old. Do they still fit? Fuck, no.

You once recorded a song with Public Enemy’s Chuck D. Do you listen to much hip-hop?
cheeznip6, Greenville, MS
Back then I did. It Takes a Nation of Millions… — that record scared whitey to death. But I don’t really listen to rap today. It’s just perpetuating black stereotypes.

Do you believe in God?
airbear189, Deadwood, SD
I believe in a higher being. You can call it what you want. But I don’t believe the Bible was written as a book of history, and I don’t believe in organized religion. The thing that gets me is all these people are so intolerant of homosexuals. You really gotta look hard to find anything bad about homosexuals in the Bible. But goddamn: When it comes to killin’, that’s all over the place, and nobody gives a shit. “Let’s kill soldiers, let’s kill Iraqis, let’s kill Germans, let’s kill everybody!” But, man, you try to love somebody of your own sex and you’re going straight to hell.

Who’s No. 1 on your shit list right now?
SakuraSam, Raleigh, NC
All the idiot critics who aren’t understanding my album. I’ve got this one song, “The Americans,” that’s catching all kinds of shit because people think I’m writing it in a simplistic, patriotic way. They need to re-listen to the song: It’s the biggest hoax! I mean, “I’m an American/I respect your point of view”? As if! It’s just amazing that people think so little of me. I wrote a song 30 years ago called “Pink Houses” that said the same thing. Here it is 30 years later — surrounded by more songs that are sad and disappointed in the direction of this country — and you motherfuckers are so stupid you think I’m Toby Keith? I almost didn’t do this interview ’cause Blender gave my CD two and a half stars. I’m sorry, you might want to consider not doing criticism. ’Cause you don’t get it.

Do you still smoke in the shower?
lonnie.l.russell, Brooklyn
Yeah. I used to be a terrible smoker — three or four packs a day. I’ve cut down to about one. I got checked out about a month ago, and the doctor said, “For a guy who’s smoked for 30 years, you sure can’t tell by your lungs.” But I run every day, lift weights — all that crap.

What song was playing when you lost your virginity?
kos4hire, Santa Paula, CA
I don’t think anything, actually. I lost it on a playground in Indiana. Not much to brag about. It was about as good as my first record.

So, Mr. Chevy Silverado, what kind of car do you drive?
PoserFX, Los Angeles
That’s the one clichéd rock-star thing about me: I’ve got tons of cars. My new favorite is my 1956 Chevy Nomad — and I’m not just saying that. Anybody who knows cars will tell you the Chevy Nomad was the coolest station wagon. And mine is the coolest of all: It’s yellow and black, and it’s badass.

I love your oil paintings. How much would it take to get you to do my portrait?
BigFace, Houston
I’m not really a portrait painter, but send me a picture — you might end up in one. I just did a painting, 10 feet by 10 feet, that probably has, oh, 40 faces. So send me a picture.

What is your most irrational fear?
dippers55, Naples, FL
Oh, I have millions of them. I’m terrified of germs — I wash my hands constantly. But the most crippling is panic disorder. There’s no rhyme or reason to it — I’ll be up onstage and it’ll just hit me, with no warning. That’s why I don’t play so much anymore. I’ve had to go to the hospital over them. It’s no laughing matter.

When was the last time you had a chili dog at the Tastee Freez?
Slingslang, Amboy, WA
[Laughs] I don’t think I ever have. I don’t eat hot dogs. Do you like beaks and butts? The last time I had a hot dog was on a New York street in the late ’70s, and it made me so sick I haven’t touched one since.

Describe a typical evening in the Irwin-Mellencamp household.
destroya5, Lewes, DE
Well, a fortunate evening would be: We all have dinner and the boys do their homework. Then we sit around and talk a little, maybe play some basketball in our indoor gym. Then the kids go to bed, and Elaine and I watch Boston Legal and fall asleep on the couch.

What song makes you cry like a baby?
ivyfam1982, Philadelphia
Oh, all kinds of songs make my eyes well up. Songs I’ve heard a billion times. I can’t be specific, but I’ve had some Dylan songs do that, some Judy Garland songs, Nat King Cole, Robert Johnson. I’m always impressed when a song makes me cry. Like, how the fuck do you do that?

What’s the most American thing about you?
yruwack, Keno, OR
[Long pause] I don’t know. But I like it here.