Rock's Most Awesomely Differently Abled

A
ACID REFLUX
Caused by the backup of stomach acid into the esophagus, symptoms include burning pain in the throat, difficulty swallowing and apparently, in the case of Ashlee Simpson, spastic contortions of the legs that somewhat resemble an Irish jig. When caught lip-syncing during her performance on SNL in 2004, Simpson blamed her inability to sing on acid reflux. She's since changed her diet and work habits and begun waging a long-term battle against this burpy menace.

AMBLYOPIA
The Notorious B.I.G. rapped about his lazy eye in "My Downfall," while ex-Man at Work Colin Hay named his label after the condition. However, the droopy left lid that helped provide Radiohead's Thom Yorke with so much lucrative alienation was not a result of this common neurological flaw but of a congenital paralysis.

ANKYLOSING SPONDYLITIS
An unbelievably painful degenerative bone disease in which joints or vertebrae fuse together, this is the reason Mötley Crüe guitarist Mick Mars looks even worse than bandmate Vince Neil. First diagnosed with the incurable condition at age 19, Mars, now 50, had hip-replacement surgery in 2004, which alleviated the discomfort just enough to allow him to play last year's reunion tour, albeit not without a bus he referred to as a "16-wheeled hospital."

ARM, MISSING
Arms would seem to be a fairly essential asset for a musician, but as it turns out, this isn't necessarily so. Def Leppard drummer Rick Allen lost his left one after crashing his car on New Year's Eve, , but carried on in the band with the help of a customized drum kit. Even more astonishing is the story of Tony Melendez, who was born without arms but taught himself to play the guitar with his toes. Melendez has toured the world, played for Pope John Paul II and released multiple albums on his own aptly named label, Toe Jam Music.

ASPERGER'S SYNDROME
Most rock stars act like jerks simply because they can, but a scant few can blame their insufferability on this disorder, which affects the ability to interact socially. Vines frontman Craig Nicholls was frequently accused of being weird, volatile and standoffish, but when he was charged with kicking a photographer in 2004, he cited a recent Asperger's diagnosis. Synth-pop pioneer Gary Numan had a similar reputation before his wife "diagnosed" him as, in the adorable sounding parlance of those who suffer from AS, an "aspie."

ASTHMA
This respiratory disorder can be triggered by everything from allergens and stress to unhealthy lifestyle habits. It's difficult to positively ascertain the exact cause of longtime asthma sufferer Lindsay Lohan's recent attack, which occurred soon after the New Year's Eve party she hosted at a Miami nightclub, resulting in a burst vein and three days in the hospital. So let's just say pollen count.

B
BLINDNESS
For blues and soul artists, the inability to see is practically a job requirement. An over-oxygenated incubator may have been the reason Stevie Wonder was blinded just after birth. Ray Charles began losing his sight at age 5 and never regained it. Cancer took Canadian blues guitarist Jeff Healey's sight by the time he turned a year old. Early bluesmen Blind Lemon Jefferson, Blind Willie Johnson, Blind Willie McTell and Blind Boy Fuller were all assumed to have been blind from birth or shortly after, although it's entirely possible at least one of them was faking it to pad his résumé.

C
CEREBRAL PALSY
This brain disorder affects motor skills and, in the case of Ying Yang Twins rapper Kaine, can cause a severe limp. (That ain't no pimp walk.) He had to have his feet broken and reset as a baby but wasn't diagnosed with CP until age 18. He hasn't exactly played the sympathy card though, instead building his reputation on a natural ability to churn out songs that perfectly complement the jiggles of America's exotic dancers.

CROHN'S DISEASE
Since age 17, lanky English electro-folk chanteuse Beth Orton has suffered from this incurable and unpleasant bowel disorder, frequently halting performances due to stomach cramps. The condition is exacerbated by poor diet, smoking, drinking and every other aspect of the rock lifestlye, but Orton has made adjustments: "I'd rather make music than eat crap, and I'd rather exercise than get ill. It's not such a fucking effort, really."

D
DEAFNESS
Ludwig Van Beethoven composed some of classical music's finest works after he started losing his hearing in 1797, also inspiring contemporary all-deaf amateur rock trio Beethoven's Nightmare. Innumerable this-amp-goes-to-11 rockers have suffered hearing loss, including the Who's Pete Townshend, who recently admitted, "I have unwittingly helped to invent … a type of music that makes its principal proponents deaf." Last year, Foxy Brown revealed that she was suffering from "sensorineural hearing loss" resulting from damage to the inner ear. Ironically, she is currently battling assault charges for allegedly hitting someone while holding a cellphone.

DIABETES
A highly common condition among pop stars, particularly the aged (Syd Barrett, James Brown), the overweight (Aretha Franklin, David Crosby, B.B. King, Patti LaBelle), the dearly departed and overweight (Luther Vandross, Jerry Garcia, Johnny Cash, Mama Cass Elliot, Curtis Mayfield, Elvis Presley, Rick James, Waylon Jennings) and the soon-to-be aged and overweight (Bret Michaels). The disease, which causes the body to not produce or properly use insulin, has at least provided a handy excuse for getting caught red-handed with a stash of needles ("It's for my insulin, I swear!")

DYSLEXIA
.etirw dna daer ot ytiliba eht stceffa taht redrosid lacigoloruen A … Chances are Ozzy Osbourne, Rancid's Tim Armstrong, Oasis's Noel Gallagher and My Bloody Valentine's Kevin Shields wouldn't have had trouble deciphering that sentence, as they all suffer from this learning disability, along with as much as 15% of the world's population. Although dyslexia may not necessarily result in words appearing backwards, it's still a huge obstacle for anyone who needs to know their way around a lyric sheet — or an arrest warrant.

E
EPILEPSY
Epilepsy was once called the "sacred disease" because its seizures were thought to be the result of demonic possession. They're not. Joy Division singer Ian Curtis hanged himself in 1980, but his seizures weren't the reason. Beastie Boy Adam Horovitz has suffered several serious seizures, and while the condition is under control, he fears flashbulbs or amphetamines could trigger episodes. Elton John suffers from epilepsy, perhaps as a result of staring at his own wardrobe for much of the '70s. Lindsey Buckingham of Fleetwood Mac and Geoff Rickly of Thursday both found out they had the condition the hard way — by unexpectedly suffering seizures while on tour. English rapper Mike Skinner, a.k.a. The Streets, hasn't had an episode since he was 20, while Neil Young claims he was able to control his epilepsy by sheer will power (note: may not work on all forms of epilepsy).

EYE, MISSING
While the late Lisa "Left Eye" Lopes adopted the eyepatch as a pirate-tastic affectation, the accessory is more functional than fashionable for other pop stars. Rapper Slick Rick was blinded in his right eye by shards from a shattered window when he was an infant. Ray Sawyer, lead singer for the country-rock band Dr. Hook and the Medicine Show, lost his right eye in a car accident in 1967. Ry Cooder took up the guitar after accidentally stabbing himself in the eye at age 4. Less accidental was the botched suicide attempt in which pint-sized Geto Boy Bushwick Bill lost his right eye to a bullet. R&B singer Houston, meanwhile, gouged his own out with a knife.

F
FINGERS, MISSING
Perhaps 10 fingers are more than anyone really needs. Grateful Dead guitarist Jerry Garcia had most of the middle digit on his right hand hacked off by his brother in a wood-chopping accident when he was 4 (and not, as popularly believed, to avoid serving in Vietnam). Gypsy jazz singer Django Reinhardt had the third and fourth fingers on his left hand mangled at age 18 when the caravan he lived in caught fire. Reinhardt's against-all-odds tale inspired hirsute Black Sabbath axeman Tony Iommi, who lost the tips of the middle fingers on his right hand in a machine while working at a sheet metal factory.

L
LEG, MISSING
Show tunesmith Cole Porter had both legs crushed in a 1937 equestrian accident, and his left one was removed years later due to complications from the injury. In 2002, Goodie Mob member Willie "Khujo" Knighton had part of his right leg amputated after a car crash. That was also the year a cyst burst in the right leg of hard-living British folkster John Martyn. The singer was ultimately forced to have the limb amputated below the knee, but the bankrupt, severely overweight Martyn continues to perform. "I don't know how to do anything else," he said in 2004. "And there's not much call for a one-legged sumo wrestler."

M
MULTIPLE SCLEROSIS
The deterioration of neurons carrying information from the brain to muscles, MS is not, repeat not cured by injections of snake venom. Ronnie Lane, bassist for the Small Faces, found this out the hard way after learning he had the degenerative disease in 1977 — the experimental treatment didn't work, and Lane died in 1997. Rootsy singer-songwriter Victoria Williams has recorded and performed intermittently since her diagnosis in 1992, which inspired artists like Pearl Jam and Soul Asylum to release a benefit album so the uninsured Williams could pay her hefty medical bills. "You never know when it's going to come back," she said in 1998. "You find ways to get around it."

P
PARALYSIS
Acclaimed Southern singer-songwriter Vic Chesnutt's career hadn't even started when he drunkenly drove his car into a ditch and broke his neck in 1983 at age 18. In 1990 a lighting rig fell on Curtis Mayfield, leaving him a quadriplegic, but the soul-funk legend managed to record one more album. Love doctor extraordinaire Teddy Pendergrass was paralyzed from the chest down in 1982 when the brakes failed on his Rolls and he crashed into a tree — two years later he had a new album out. A 1996 valium-and-antidepressant cocktail left Sparklehorse's Mark Linkous technically dead for two minutes; after being revived, he went back to touring and recording in a wheelchair before eventually regaining use of his legs.

POLIO
Canadian singer-songwriters Joni Mitchell and — wait for it — Neil Young both contracted polio as children, and the much-afflicted Young, according to his mother, "damn near died." The disease also struck, and crippled, British singer Ian Dury who, in 1981, contributed a song for the United Nations' Year of the Disabled. The impish Dury came up with a track called "Spasticus Autisticus," which included the line, "I dribble when I nibble." The U.N. passed.

POLYDACTYLISM
Far less common than rock stars with missing appendages are ones with a surplus. Outspoken Oasis lead singer Liam Gallagher reputedly has six toes on his left foot, all of which he has had to pry from his mouth at one time or another. For late blues guitarist Hound Dog Taylor, being born with six fingers on each hand provided an advantage, though he removed the extra digit on his right with a straight razor and a not-insignificant amount of alcohol.

S
SPASMODIC DYSPHONIA
In the early '80s, British folk crooner Linda Thompson gradually lost the ability to sing in time, or finally, at all. Thompson believed she was going insane until a New York specialist diagnosed this voice disorder, caused by involuntary muscle movements. She was recently able to resume performing, but only after having Botox injected into her vocal cords. Busker-turned-hipster-folkie Mary Lou Lord continues to perform while suffering from this as well.

SPINA BIFIDA
John Mellencamp was born with a cleft spine, or incomplete closure in his spinal column, requiring him to be H.O.S.P.I.T.A.L.I.Z.E.D. IN THE U.S.A. for an extended period, although his case was less severe than most. Slightly less lucky was Hank Williams, whose chronic back pain was believed to have been related to this birth defect and certainly contributed to his alcohol and morphine habits.

T
TESTICLE, COMPROMISED
The late Tupac Shakur built his thuggy legend on incidents such as a shooting at a Manhattan recording studio in November 1994 in which the rapper took five bullets and showed up at court the next day, middle fingers raised. However, subsequent reports hint that Tupac not only wounded himself in the skirmish but actually shot himself right in the digital underground. He later denied that one testicle was lost completely and insisted he was fully capable of siring tiny Makavelis of his own.

TINNITUS
This volume-triggered ringing in the ears is widespread amongst overamplified rockers such as Jeff Beck, Ted Nugent, Bob Mould and Bob Seger, whose "Turn the Page" referenced the condition ("Later in the evening as you lie awake in bed/ With the echo from the amplifiers ringing in your head").