Dear Superstar: Mary J. Blige
“I do consider myself a part of black history,” says hip-hop royal Mary J. Blige, 35, arriving for our interview incognito in leopard-print headwrap and shades at classic Beverly Hills haunt the Polo Lounge. “Since 1991, I’m still doing this and I’m successful. And I haven’t hurt anyone in the process.”Those who’ve felt the lash of Blige’s notorious tongue might disagree. Sure, she’s now happily wed to producer Kendu Isaacs and riding the platinum wave of her seventh studio release, The Breakthrough, which enjoyed the best sales of her career, with nearly 800,000 copies snapped up in the first seven days. But as she sips her cappuccino and considers your questions, she’s still feisty on subjects like her own family (“It’s doing the world good to hear those stories,” she says of being open about her family’s cycle of abuse), oversensitive staffers (“‘She hurt my feelings’—get over it! I’m paying you!”) and Vibe magazine, whose recent cover portrait, Blige insists, was unflatteringly altered (“It felt like sabotage!”). Testiness and truth-telling, the twin engines of Blige’s legend, still drive her.
What she’s gained since she found Jesus and beat addiction, Blige says, is self-love. That’s not just talk: Her hard-earned sense of compassion shines through. At first she’s all business, hands folded in her lap as if she’s at a job interview. But soon enough she’s throwing down as only a definitive diva can.
Mary, you’re a devout Christian. How do you reconcile bling with God?
John214, colorado springs, CO
My God is a God who wants me to have things. He wants me to bling! He wants me to be the hottest thing on the block. I don’t know what kind of God the rest of y’all are serving, but the God I serve says, “Mary, you need to be the hottest thing this year, and I’m gonna make sure you’re doing that.” My God’s the bomb!
What’s your first memory?
Llolipop, Beaverton, OR
FrankenBerry strawberry-flavored cereal. Having it for breakfast as a little kid. This was before we moved to Westchester; we were living in the Bronx—I had to be around 4. We didn’t like Count Chocula! We only liked FrankenBerry.
When you were a teenage hairdresser, what was your specialty ’do?
Mgreen12, New York City
Box braids. Braiding came naturally to me. I watched my mother do it as a child, and I was like, OK, that’s easy. It seemed like it was common sense. And now sometimes I still have to do my own hair. You don’t always get a hairstylist on the road.
Who crowned you the queen of hip-hop soul?
BreakbeatDan, Las Vegas
The community, the streets, the radio. The campaign that went out with my first album was a T-shirt and it had the phrase on the back. But I was already solidified because of the Strictly Business soundtrack with my first hit, “You Remind Me,” on there.
Are you the type of girl who stays in touch with your exes?
HMSThomson, Atlanta
No. Totally not. No use for that.
How is your relationship with Kendu’s kids? Are you a strict stepmom or more of a spoiler?
Tinatrix553, Charleston, WV
I’m both. They have to be disciplined, but we have fun. I’m a cartoon freak, so we can get a movie and tune into that together. Or we’ll watch Nickelodeon. Danny Phantom, the one about the boy who’s half ghost, they love that show. I find that in these shows there’s often a lesson for everybody, and I’ll explain it to the kids. And they’re like, “Wow, Danny Phantom is good for us?” I say yes!
Do you approve of gay marriage? And did you send your friends Elton John and David Furnish a gift?
Cosmo4georges, Boston
Gay marriage is not for me to judge. I didn’t send Elton and David a gift because we were so busy in Europe that I couldn’t even get around to it. I did send them a congratulations. We love them. Elton’s not judgmental toward us and we’re not judgmental toward him because of how he chooses to get down.
You totally shredded singing “One” with U2 at the Grammys. What do you make of that song’s message?
Wirewalkerbob, Evanston, IL
Bono wrote an incredible record. I don’t think he even understands how powerful it is. It’s what we are right now. After 9/11, and the tsunami, and Katrina, we bond together. And then we separate once we think it’s OK. We need to remember that all races, all levels of life, gay, straight, mental, sane, we’re all one and we help each other. We’re like a chain. It’s hard when you live in a separated, selfish world. But the lyrics to that song—if you step out of yourself, that’s what you want to believe.
What artist do you admire that might surprise me?
Dumplingdunker, Encino, CA
Hall and Oates. “Sara Smile.” I didn’t know they were white boys when I first heard them, just like I didn’t know George Michael was a white boy at first. Oh, and one of my favorite songs is “Dreams” by that girl with the rough voice…Stevie Nicks.
I read that you’re going to star in a Nina Simone biopic. Would you ever write anything as explicitly political as “Mississippi Goddam”?
JamesJennings3340, Indianapolis
You know, I think that was Nina’s job, and if it is my job, I won’t have to think twice. It will be the time. As politically strong as Nina was, I’m that strong about speaking candidly and publicly about how we can get free from emotional bondage and anger. That might be my job.
How did you get off drugs? Did you got to rehab, attend meetings, go cold turkey? What was your method?
AlexMJGoldberg, Ann Arbor, MI
My method was just to quit. I prayed about it first, and asked God to help me. I prayed for the desire, the taste for it all, to be moved. I wanted to get better. I was smoking cigarettes with all that other stuff, and I said to myself, I’m going to lose my voice. As for how I gave up specific things, it went from one to the next. Something heavier, then something lighter, then something lighter, until the whole thing stopped. And then I knew, OK, it’s done.
Your dad left your family when you were real young. When was the last time you spoke to him?
Taichiking, Santa Fe, NM
Last week, actually. You know the thing about my dad? He understands my mission. He told me, “I see you. Keep doing what you’re doing. You’re helping a lot of people.” That means a lot to me. I know he’s trying to help others by letting people know that he wasn’t there for me. I loved him as a child, and I could see myself in him. I would hang onto his leg when he left. That love is now coming back because he’s big enough to say, I understand.
Who would you like to work with but haven’t yet?
Purplebuttonpusher, Friendswood, TX
Kanye West. I continue to say this, and it’s not a joke. I just think the guy is really talented and I feel everything he does. What I love about Kanye is that he doesn’t care what people think about him. You have to respect that. He doesn’t do trends. He does him.
Does it ever make you feel strange to watch American Idol? You’re obviously a big influence on many contestants.
Foureyes4life, Gainesville, FL
Yeah, I guess it’s weird, in a way. If you’re looking at it from a judgmental standpoint and expecting so much from them, it’s going to bother you. But if you’re wishing the best for all of them, it won’t. Simon’s mean, but I honestly think that in some cases he’s dead on. Some people just don’t like to hear the truth.
What was the best piece of advice you have ever received?
Veraskid, Buffalo, NY
The best advice was from Chaka Khan, someone I truly love, when she told me to get out of my own way. She said that to me the first time I ever met her. I guess she’d been watching me. I didn’t understand it then, but I love her to this day for it. She was right.
What was the single hardest day of your life?
EdwinMatthisontwo, Boise, ID
The second day of not drinking. I just prayed and had a ginger ale.
Of all the fledgling Marys out there, who do you think is the worthiest inheritor?
Simonhater, Princeton, NJ
There are so many inheritors, I can’t say just one. But I’ve never mentored a younger artist, because I can never get close enough to them. The thing is, half of them don’t even like me. When I love people, I tell them—when I met Aretha, or Chaka, for example. You never hear me speaking negative. In that sense, none of the new singers are worthy. Because they don’t respect anybody like that. Mary J. Blige has given blood. Aretha has given blood. What are you giving? You’re giving people a hard fucking time.
What’s the most diva-ish demand you’ve ever made? Roomful of white orchids? no Green M&M’s?
Futurefarmer66, Knoxville, TN
“Where’s my humidifier?!” If that’s diva, then fine. It helps me to do a better show for all these people paying to see me. And if it’s not in my dressing room, somebody’s going to get fired at the end of the night.
What is the saddest song you sing?
Harleyqueen34, Appleton, WI
It would have to be “Your Child.” A man denying his own child, it hurts really, really bad. And it happens all too often.
You’ve developed some serious abs. Describe your daily workout regimen.
Goldiejmiller, Louisville, KY
Five days out of the week, I exercise. I try to do two days of cardio and the rest is calisthenics and weights. I don’t like to do aerobics, because I really like to understand what the pain is when it does kick in. If you’re doing aerobics, it’s kind of fun, you’re getting a workout, but there’s too many people around. You can’t really focus. When the pain kicks in, you don’t wanna deny it; you wanna push through it.
What is your favorite tattoo and why?
4CORNERSCASSIE, Provo, UT
Probably the two angels on my back, the soulmates. Because at a time in my life when I didn’t have anyone and I was done with everything, I said, I’m gonna put this on my back because I think this will draw the person to me that I want to be in my life. And apparently it did. A couple years later, I was like, oh man, this stuff works!
What do you spend too much money on?
TASTE4COCO, Plymouth, NH
Shoes. Especially boots. It doesn’t matter who they’re by, if they’re an incredible pair of shoes, I gotta have them. I really can’t count the number of pairs I have.
What was it about that Vibe magazine cover that pissed you off?
RONNIEMARSFAN, SILVER CITY, NM
It was altered. I’d go to court with that. The Polaroid I had looked nothing like that picture. And it’s not like they altered it in a good way. It was like they were trying to destroy me! It hurt my heart.
Would you ever think of going into the ministry?
Donnydonna, Hartford, CT
I’m working towards getting my life together. I don’t know what God’s going to call me to do. I have to first walk the walk I have. Who am I to tell people what they need to do? I’m still figuring that out myself. [blender]
