50 Dumbest Rock-Star Extravagances

50. Rap Sheet
DMX
Item: Freedom
Cost: $1,000
It may seem steep, but a thousand-buck fine was a bargain compared to the jail sentence the rapper faced after being charged with smashing his SUV through a security gate at New York’s JFK Airport. While high on Valium. And impersonating a federal agent. If only he hadn’t been arrested a mere week later for doing 104 in a 65 zone …

49. Platinum Spokes
Chris Kirkpatrick
Item: Wheel spinners
Cost: $40,000
While Lance Bass spent his time and money trying to become the first member of a boy band in space, fellow ’N Syncer Kirkpatrick decided to invest his money more practically: on a set of platinum-plated wheel spinners for his Cadillac Escalade.

48. He Got Game
Jermaine Dupri
Item: Videogames
Cost: $12,000
JD apparently ascribes to the age-old adage “You can never be too rich, too thin or own too many PS2s.” Because really, when you’re a multimillionaire rap mogul who’s sleeping with Janet Jackson, what better way to unwind than with a few hours of Crash Bandicoot 3?

47. Express Delivery
Keith Moon
Item: Customized milk truck
Cost: $595
In 1971, Who drummer Keith Moon bought a British electric-powered milk delivery cart and had it converted into a “mobile Victorian parlour” — with armchair, wallpaper, cocktail cabinet and gramophone. To fit it in his garage, Moon also removed his Corvette and drove it into a nearby hedge.

46. Scissor Sister
Britney Spears
Item: Shears
Cost: $3,000
When Mrs. Federline gets her locks trimmed, not just any scissors will do. The new mama opts for a set of custom-ordered clippers, handmade and imported from Japan for a whopping 3 G’s — or roughly the cost of 40 Flowbees. It’s a far cry from the Supercuts in Kentwood, La.

45. Bed Buggin’
Jessica Simpson
Item: Bedsheets
Cost: $1,400
“I don’t sleep good,” was how Simpson chose to defend shelling out a grand and a half for a set of Egyptian-cotton bed linens. When they were almost ruined in the wash, husband Nick Lachey had an explanation of his own: “Even the washing machine thinks $1,400 sheets are fucking ridiculous,” he said.

44. Popper Gun
John Popper
Item: Civil war cannon
Cost: $10,000
Popper, the once-hefty frontman for chooglers Blues Traveler, is known to be an enthusiastic endorser of the right to bear arms. In addition to the working Civil War–era cannon, he owns some 80 guns and a collection of daggers and samurai swords.

43. Home Movies
Russell Simmons
Item: Movie theater
Cost: $2,000,000
The Def Jam/Phat Farm mogul is such a cinephile, he had a theater installed in the basement of his New Jersey house. And not just a couple of La-Z-Boys and a video projector: Simmons’s home theater has a Loews marquee, a popcorn machine and a ticket booth.

42. Humpin’ Around
Bobby Brown
Item: Child support
Cost: $63,500
In March 2004, Brown was released from a 60-day jail term in Georgia … so he could stand trial in Massachusetts for failure to pay child support. The good news? He spent only a day in jail by ponying up the delinquent back payments. The bad news? He then had to go back to Georgia to face another set of charges.

41. Metal Molars
Nas and Kelis
Item: His ‘n’ hers gold grills
Cost: $36,000
Love means never being without matching gold teeth, if you’re hip-hop’s newest newlyweds (his read ‘Nasty,’ hers ‘Tasty’). Kelis’s family did insist they remove their grills at last January’s nuptials — presumably allowing the photographer to take pictures without fear of going blind.

40. Empire Building
John Mayer
Item: Boba Fett action figure
Cost: $1,719.15
In 2004 the mint-condition miniaturized bounty hunter was an impulse buy on eBay — where Mayer also gets his shoes — at a time when the unrepentant singer-songwriter also admitted to having spent $1,500 on phone sex in four months.

39. H.O.V.A. craft
Jay-Z
Item: Mercedes Maybach
Cost: $360,000
Not so much a car as a spirited attempt to see how many optional extras you can cram on four wheels, Jay-Z’s top-line Maybach features an electro-transparent panoramic glass roof, reclining seats with massage function, a DVD player, a 21-speaker hi-fi, an “interphone” and, most vital of all, two cup holders.

38. Patients Wearing Thin
Kurt Cobain
Item: Drug treatment
Cost: $40,000
Cobain might have started using to help relieve his lifelong stomach troubles, but his troubles with Mr. Brownstone led to two prematurely ended rehab stints in 1992 — one at L.A.’s pricey Exodus Recovery Center and one at Cedars-Sinai (when he also passed out during his daughter’s birth) — and some of his mopiest facial expressions.

37. Shoe Fly
Usher
Item: Sneakers
Cost: $26,000
We’re sure R&B’s answer to Imelda Marcos had a good reason for copping the equivalent of 365 days’ worth of Air Force Ones; after all, simulated onstage sex can really scuff up a pair of kicks. Maybe next time he should also think about investing in a wardrobe of T-shirts that don’t rip quite so easily …

36. Caffeine Junkie
Tommy Lee
Item: A Starbucks franchise
Cost: $4,000
Mötley Crüe drummer and erstwhile porn movie star Tommy Lee’s 1999 purchase of a Starbucks might have seemed a sound investment for those post-rock years, but his financial strategy had one very major drawback: zero paying customers. Why? The replica café was built in his house as a gift for then-wife Pamela Anderson.

35. Ay Diablo!
Jay Kay
Item: Lamborghini Diablo SE30
Cost: $306,000
The Jamiroquai frontman, an avid exotic-car collector, bought this rare (only 150 were made) “anniversary edition” jewel, shipping it from the U.S. to England so it could appear in the video for “Cosmic Girl.” Too bad the car’s handler took it for a joyride and smashed it up beyond repair.

34. Are you gonna pay my way?
Lenny Kravitz
Item: Boozy night out with Lionel Richie
Cost: $20,400
In late 2004, Kravitz, Richie and 30 close friends took over London’s Kaberet’s Prophecy bar for three hours of dropping $1,190 on magnums of frankly overpriced Cristal. Richie enjoyed a little bop to “Dancing on the Ceiling” and the K Man was good enough to pick up the tab.

33. Baby Love
Mariah Carey
Item: Marilyn Monroe’s piano
Cost: $662,500
When Christie’s auctioned off Marilyn Monroe’s possessions in October 1999, the third-priciest item turned out to be the icon’s white baby grand, bought by an anonymous buyer — who turned out to be fellow vixen Ms. Carey herself, who installed it in her Tribeca penthouse.

32. Heil! Heil! Rock & Roll!
Lemmy Kilmister
Item: Luftwaffe sword
Cost: $6,000
Born in 1945, Motörhead frontman Lemmy is fascinated with World War II. This rare sword is the prized piece in his extensive collection of memorabilia and has doubled in value since he acquired it. “It’s a very good investment,” reasons Lemmy, who says that he has no admiration for any Nazis except Hermann Goering.

31. Justified Expenditure
Justin Timberlake
Item: Harrods shopping spree
Cost: $1,700,000
Wanting to beat the crowds to buy Christmas presents in 2003, Timberlake had the exclusive London department store open especially for him and 80 close friends. His purchases, including a remote-control toy Mercedes and jewelry for Cameron Diaz, were transported away in two rented buses.

30. Establishing Boundaries
Paul McCartney
Item: Gigantic fence
Cost: $170,000
Herds of wild boar were becoming a problem on McCartney’s 1,000-acre English estate, tearing up trees and carrying swine fever. But he didn’t want the guilt of the pests being shot on his property, so in 1999 he had a four-mile long fence built to keep them out. “He does whatever he wants because he can afford it,” said a disgruntled local farmer.

29. Real Fir
Sting
Item: Christmas tree
Cost: $11,900
A man who has done so much for the plight of the rainforests could hardly hack down one of his wooden friends just for holiday decoration. So in 2002, Sting had a special living Christmas tree brought into his 41-room English mansion, hiring a top-flight florist at additional expense to give the festive centerpiece a lavish makeover.

28. Hello Sailor
P. Diddy
Item: Yacht rental
Cost: $800,000
Even by the standards of a man who employed Fonsworth Bentley, Diddy’s choice of transport for his Summer 2003 holiday in the Mediterranean seemed sightly de trop: a 181-foot luxury yacht, rented at a cost of $40,000 per day, with its own gym, gold-plated taps in the Jacuzzis and, most vitally, a helicopter pad.

27. The Joy of Wrecks
Billy Idol
Item: Hotel vandalism
Cost: $20,400
Possibly bored of “dancing with himself” to pay-per-view porn, Idol wrecked three luxury hotel suites to pass the time while vacationing in Thailand in 1989. A friend of the peroxide rebel assured one hotel manager that the damage would be paid for once Billy had his fill of mayhem. A check was duly cut.

26. Boat Bloat
Billy Joel
Item: 57-foot commuter yacht
Cost: $2,000,000
Forget subways, forget taxis … hell, forget helicopters: When Billy Joel commutes from his Long Island home into Manhattan, he does it on his custom-built 57-foot yacht, the Vendetta. It’s one of four boats the piano man owns — after all, it’s harder to get a DUI from the Coast Guard.

25. Pup Psychology
Will Smith
Item: Dog shrink
Cost: $2,500/month
When the pressure of life on the A-list has Smith’s four Rottweilers feeling down, he calls on the Sigmund Freud of the canine world — renowned Hollywood hound analyst Cesar Millan, a.k.a. “The Dog Whisperer.” Apparently, it takes a special talent to help a pooch get over the trauma of watching Bad Boys II.

24. Pond Ambition
Freddie Mercury
Item: Fish
Cost: $1,500,000
A passionate koi carp enthusiast, Mercury amassed a collection whose value rose to over $1,000,000. Tragically, after his death all but five of the 89 fish —worth up to $17,000 apiece — were killed in a bizarre gardening accident when landscapers at his London home turned off the power for their storage tank.

23. Doctored Results
Ozzy Osbourne
Item: Drug “counseling”
Cost: $708,000
After a successful narcotics detox in June 2002, Ozzy rehired Dr. David Kipper to provide him with antidepressants. The good doctor proceeded to charge Ozzy $650,000, plus $58,000 for the horseload of tranquilizers that resulted in the crazy trainwreck witnessed on The Osbournes.

22. Family Album
Marilyn Manson
Item: Charles manson memorabilia
Cost: $500
Given that Church of Satan founder Anton LaVey made Manson a reverend, it’s fitting that Manson should visit Odium, the L.A. occult shop that was co-owned by LaVey’s grandson. While there in 2002, Manson picked up framed photos of the Manson Family murder scene. Perfect for the guest dungeon!

21. Broadway Blunder
Paul Simon
Item: The Capeman Musical
Cost: $3,000,000
In 1998, Paul Simon opened a play about a Puerto Rican teen who stabbed two white kids in 1959. Enraged picketers ("Murder is not entertainment!") outnumbered ticketholders. Backers backed out, Simon dug seven figures deep into his own pockets and The Capeman closed 10 weeks later — deeply in the hole.

20. Beatle Mania
George Harrison
Item: The natural law party
Cost: Several million
Seduced by Maharishi Mahesh Yogi, Harrison dumped unspecified amounts into a British political party based on his philosophy (that all conflict can be solved through meditation) and organized a benefit concert at the Royal Albert Hall. They pulled a handsome 0.4% of the U.K. vote in 1992.

19. While My Pendant Gently Weeps
Patrick King Jr.
Item: A diamond-encrusted guitar necklace
Cost: $30,000
Apparently more than confident that his Euro-tinged boy band Natural would succeed where countless others had failed, King blew the price of a new Acura on a tiny diamond guitar that — get this — actually plays!

18. Wonderwallet
Noel Gallagher
Item: Home remodeling
Cost: $680,000
The Oasis guitarist was merely showing his love for the Beatles when he decided to cover his kitchen walls with costly paintings of yellow submarines in 1997. The $34,000 he spent on carpet in the colors of his favorite soccer team, on the other hand, is somewhat tougher to explain.

17. Gest of Honor
Liza Minnelli and David Gest
Item: Wedding
Cost: $2.7 million
It seemed like a match made in heaven: The gay icon and a guy who — ahem — is fond of musical theater. What could go wrong? The extravagant wedding was held in New York City in March 2002, but the marriage lasted barely a year and a half.

16. Million-dollar Baby
Mick Jagger
Item: Love child
Cost: $15,000,000
Born in 1999, Lucas Maurice Morad Jagger turned his father’s affair with Brazilian lingerie model Luciana Morad into one of the most expensive flings in history. Jagger’s new son was the final straw for long-suffering wife Jerry Hall, who got a reported $15,000,000 divorce settlement from him — while Morad hit him with a claim for $35,000 a month in child support, citing nannies, rent, housekeeping and security.

15. U Can’t Afford This
MC Hammer
Item: California mansion
Cost: $12,000,000
When Stanley Burrell became a global pop-rap superstar worth $30 million in 1990, he did what anyone would do — put 250 people, many of them friends, on his payroll, bought 17 luxury cars — and a Bay Area mansion. By 1996 he’d found God and filed for bankruptcy, $13.7 million in debt.

14. Crowd Control
Bryan Adams
Item: Peace and quiet
Cost: $680,000
After releasing Waking Up the Neighbors, adoptive Londoner Adams then lived it; the pub next to his Chelsea mansion hosted boisterous louts whose noise kept him from sleeping. In 1994, Adams did the only feasible thing: He bought the bar … and shut it down.

13. Class Act
John Lennon
Item: All of first class
Cost: $12,980
Lennon famously banked on his "working class hero" image, but didn’t shy away from enjoying the fruits of his Beatles labor, and once bought out an entire first-class airline cabin — so that his son Sean could set up his model train set. Fittingly, Lennon now has an airport named after him in Liverpool.

12. Privileged Headgear
Bono
Item: Flying a hat first class
Cost: $1,700
Poised to play a charity show for Iraqis with Luciano Pavarotti in 2003, Bono realised he’d forgotten his favourite trilby, so he arranged to have it flown from London to Italy by British Airways. Amid fears it might get squashed, lost or stolen, the hat was upgraded from its first-class seat and got to ride up front with the captain.

11. A View to a Spill
Simon Le Bon
Item: Yacht
Cost: $1.35 million
The Duran Duran frontman planned to sail his 78-foot racing sloop around the world, but nearly died when it capsized in the English Channel in 1985, trapping him underneath for 20 minutes. He later sold the yacht to a Scottish car dealer; supermodels and champagne, presumably, were not included.

10. Papal Bull
Kanye West
Item: Michelangelo’s ceiling
Cost: $350,000
“I’m the closest that hip-hop is getting to God,” remarked Kanye West recently. “In some situations I’m like a ghetto Pope." Which may explain the decoration he chose for his L.A. dining room last year: a complete recreation of Michelangelo’s frescoes from Rome’s Sistine Chapel ceiling.

9. PETA to the Metal
Nelly
Item: Mink-lined Rolls-Royce
Cost: $385,000
Despite a trip to the customizer for new rims, Nelly clearly felt his Rolls-Royce Phantom still lacked a certain discreet charm, so he had the interior totally re-worked in mink fur. Just consider the aesthetics: It probably looks as if someone stuck a Wookiee in a microwave.

8. Great Balls of Fire
The KLF
Item: Torched cash
Cost: $1,700,000
Ah, who doesn’t love the smell of flaming cash in the morning? British pop duo KLF clearly do — why else would they have set 20,000 50-pound notes ablaze, then circulated a videotape of the bonfire? Some say the 1994 stunt was inspired materialist satire. Others called it moronic decadence. Starving children worldwide were unavailable for comment.

7. Bar for the Course
Ron Wood
Item: A replica British pub
Cost: $66,000
When the Rolling Stones guitarist bought Sandymount, an “18th century gentleman’s residence” in County Kildare, Ireland, he outfitted the garden with a British pub where the Stones could relax during rehearsal sessions. Nowadays, though, it tends to go half-stocked thanks to Wood’s sporadic bouts with sobriety.

6. Football Foolishness
Rod Stewart
Item: Personal soccer field
Cost: $100,000
There’s being a sports fan, and then there’s building a professional-sized soccer field on the grounds of your Epping, England, mansion, complete with dressing rooms modeled on those of Scottish team Celtic FC, and groundsmen to maintain them. Sadly, in 2004, English zoning officials objected to his plans to install floodlighting.

5. Saturday Night’s Alright for … Florists
Elton John
Item: Flowers
Cost: $419,000
Although renowned for his lavish spending habits and Rococo taste in interior décor, it still came as a surprise to learn that between 1996 and 1997 Elton John spent almost half a million dollars on flowers alone. Even he’s not sure how he did it. Questioned over his expenditure during a 2000 trial, he replied simply, “I like flowers.”

4. Gold Dust Man
Mick Fleetwood
Item: Cocaine
Cost: $8,000,000
In 1994, Mick Fleetwood estimated how long a single cocaine rail, composed of everything he’d ever blown, would stretch. He guessed five miles, but given his concurrent admission that he’d spent a lifetime total of $8 million on coke, five miles sounds like an average weekend. Fleetwood later described himself as "cocaine monster, rampaging the countryside out of my mind."

3. Electric Dreams
The Beatles
Item: Apple electronics
Cost: $510,000
Part of the Beatles’ infamously extravagant Apple Corps company, which also included Apple Records and a boutique, was this subdivision led by one “Magic” Alex. In his single year of employment, Alex outlined numerous inventions, including electric paint, a flying saucer and a recording studio with a “sonic force field,” not one of which ever worked. He was fired in 1969.

2. An Offer He Couldn’t Refuse
Michael Jackson
Item: Marlon Brando
Cost: $1,000,000A frequent (and conspicuously overage) guest at Neverland, Brando demanded a cool mil for his bizarre appearance at Jackson’s 30th Anniversary show in September 2001. After accurately introducing himself to the Garden crowd as an "old fat fart," the star of Jackson’s "You Rock My World" video ranted about children being hacked to death with machetes … from a leather recliner.

1. Snack attack
Elvis Presley
Item: Peanut butter and bacon sandwiches
Cost: $3,387.28
On the night of Feburary 1, 1976, Elvis Presley pulled off a stunt that combined three of his favorite activities — profligate spending, showing off to cops and eating repellent things. While entertaining two Colorado policemen at Graceland, he mentioned a sandwich that he had once eaten at the Colorado Gold Mine Company restaurant in Denver: a hollowed, buttered loaf, filled with peanut butter, jelly and a pound of fried bacon. The sandwich was meant to feed eight, but Presley had finished one unaided. Remarkably, one of the cops expressed an interest. Even more remarkably, Presley insisted they should head to Denver to try it, a distance of 1,000 miles. His stretch Mercedes took them to the Memphis airport, where his private jet, the Lisa Marie — upholstered in aquamarine plush in further testament to the King’s understated elegance — awaited. Two hours later, they landed in Denver, where 22 of the $49.95 “Fool’s Gold” sandwiches on silver platters, plus a bucket of Perrier water and a case of champagne, were brought to a private hangar at the airport by the restaurateur, his wife and a waiter.