Dear Superstar: Beck

I blend apricot, sassafras and cucumber rejuvenation with blubber and formaldehyde,” deadpans Beck, trying to explain how, even with a mossy beard obscuring his rosy cheeks, he exudes eternal youth.

Absurdly stylish, in a just-walked-off-the-stage, partied-all-night-and-didn’t-have-time-to-change kind of way, Beck disembarks from his BMW sedan and makes for a sunny chair outside his manager’s Hollywood office. At 34, 11 years after his accidental hit “Loser,” he can still pass for an undernourished twentysomething slacker.

But a lot has changed since Blender last sat with Beck. Three years ago, following a painful breakup, he released Sea Change, a record of wound-wallowing torch songs. Since then, he has married fellow Scientologist Marissa Ribisi, twin sister of actor Giovanni, and had a baby boy, Cosimo Henri.

Returning to his carefree, junkyard funk-collage roots, he’s just released his eighth album, Guero. Buzzing like a madcap Mexican fiesta, it’s the spiritual sequel to 1996’s double-platinum Odelay.

“OK, my real secret is that I’m a man of kelp,” he says, cracking a smile. “This is for Blender, so I’m trying to be funny.”

An accommodating mood that we hope lasts for the famously private superstar, as he’s confronted with your cunningly prying questions …

You named your son Cosimo Henri. Were there any names you didn’t consider?
KRISSYCREME, McLean, VA
All the names I liked were the equivalent of overstuffed furniture, like Barnaby or Remington. I liked Sherlock too. My wife wanted to name him Henry, and I think in the delirium at the hospital, it somehow became Henri. Cosimo came from us wanting an Italian name because her whole family has Italian names. But he’ll always have Henry to fall back on.

At the height of Beckmania, what was your craziest celebrity encounter?
ELLRON87, Germantown, PA
Puff Daddy was a good one. I was down before he was the Diddy. For a while, he was following me around while I was on tour. Sometimes he would even have his own dressing room. He would be up on stage, too. When the tour was over, we went into the studio—the Boyz II Men studio—but I was really tired. He wanted me to rap over a looped-up “Benny and the Jets.” And I just blew it. I saw him at one of those award things years later, and he avoided me. I wasn’t hot anymore.

Is there a sample you’ve always wanted but couldn’t afford or weren’t allowed to use for some reason?
EAU_DE_LAY, Fairfield, CT
I tried to sample Barbie once, but Mattel wouldn’t let me. It was a talking Barbie, and she said stuff like, “We can go shopping! And get pizza with your sister!” For Guero, I tried to get Banda Machos—this huge band from Mexico that I mention in lyrics on one of the songs—but they wouldn’t let me. They play the kind of music you would hear coming out of a car on the street.

When is the last time you hit someone?
AD_RAWK, Madison, NH
For a summer, when I was 7, I was taking Taekwon-Do. A guy in the class started to call a girl names, so I defended her honor by fighting him. We both had new jogging suits: Mine was green and his was powder blue. I put a big muddy footprint on his pants and that’s what put it over the edge. He grabbed my ankle, a move that had not been taught in class. And I fell on a sprinkler.

Your grandfather, Al Hansen, put out a punk fanzine and was a pioneer of the Fluxus art movement. When did you realize you had the World’s Coolest Grandpa?
MELLOW_OLD, Mount Washington, NH
When I was 6 or 7. I knew something was up when he came to stay with us and he had all these exotic things with him: an African machete and shopping bags full of stuff that he’d make art out of. He had huge leather boots that looked like he had walked across half of Asia. While I was at school, he took my plastic rocking horse from the garage and covered it in cigarette butts and spray-painted it silver. I was stunned and amazed and a little bit horrified.

You’re a surprisingly sharp MC. As a shorty, did you battle rhyme on the streets of East L.A.?
FRANKHERDER, Altoona, FL
No, I never did it on the streets, but I got a rap karaoke machine at Best Buy and a bunch of my friends used to play with it in my living room, next to the fireplace. We would battle, with our own hype men. We had our own 8 Mile thing happening.

When you were younger, you lived in Marlon Brando’s former house. Did you learn anything interesting about him?
MAROON555, Jenkintown, PA
No, not really, I was maybe too young to notice. But I’m really into Brando—especially The Island of Dr. Moreau. It’s one of his secret masterpieces. The character I created on Midnite Vultures was actually half Brando. The super flamboyant side was Prince, but the dissolute, romantic and deranged side was Brando. I’m obsessed with the acting master classes he did in L.A. My former keyboard player was hired as the lunchtime entertainment, and I’m praying the tapes get released. I’ve heard stories of homeless people and Brando dressing in muumuus.

You’re driving in your car and “Loser” comes on the radio—do you sing along or change the station?
BOOTAYRAMA, New York City
When it first got played, I would listen to the whole thing, because it was so surreal. But now it’s like seeing an old photograph of myself. After about 10 seconds, I would change it.

Why do you think Scientology has received such a bad rap?
NOTHATASHTON, Madison, wi
I don’t know. If you believe what you see in the news—“The water you’re drinking could be deadly!”—then the world is the most dangerous place and everything is terrible. If you don’t have any first-hand experience or find out for yourself, you’re just going to get some third-hand nonsense. There’s a lot there, and you can’t do the Reader’s Digest version of Scientology. They are teaching kids how to read in Russia and helping people get off drugs—there are a lot of facets to it. There’s no way you can condense such a vast body of work into a sound bite.

Have you ever been arrested?
PARISIDEKICK, Tenafly, NJ
I almost got arrested in an amusement park when I was about 12. My friend and I were on a ride, spitting down on people. But security guys scared us straight, and I never spit on anyone again.

You seem to be good at a lot of things, but what’s your secret talent or party trick?
JUSTINE_SWEETS, Berkeley
I used to be a secret breakdancer, but I gave that secret away. I boxed for a while. A doctor told me to because I had a lung thing. I didn’t think I would like it, but I did.

Your mom was in Warhol movies when she was 13. How did you rebel against such a hipster parent?
SATANKITTIE, Pinos Altos, NM
My brother and I never had that rebellion feeling. Both my parents were really young—people always thought they were our older brother and sister. When I was 20, my mom was still in her 30s, so we were more like friends. We could relate to the same things. Like when N.W.A came out, we were all into it.

What’s the dumbest thing you’ve ever bought?
LIGHTNINGSTRIKES, Anaheim, CA
I buy lots of dumb things. I bought that thing where you stick pads to your knees and your chest and they are connected to wires and you hit them and make drum sounds. There’s this guy named McRorie who wears the get-up and is a one-man band. He’s amazing. I really want to get him on tour, actually.

You once said that you listened to bad music before you sat down to make records. What’s your idea of bad music?
XXCHRISXX, Glencoe, IL
When I was making Odelay, I was listening to a lot of Billy Ray Cyrus. I used to go to these line-dancing clubs that were big in the early ’90s. If you go to those places, you can understand why that music sounds the way it does. It’s all about the lighting rigs and the kind of shoes people are wearing.

You don’t drink, you don’t smoke, you don’t do drugs: What do you do?
JACKASS87, Denver, NC
I stay up all night. It’s my worst habit. I don’t sleep. I’m terminally jet-lagged. At midnight, I start getting ideas, and then I’m up all night. But I enjoy being awake when everyone’s asleep, and there’s no noise in the atmosphere.

What posters did you have on your bedroom wall as a kid?
ILUVKILLERS, Toledo
I had a Harold and Maude poster when I was about 7 that I got from my godfather. I had a Beatles poster from the White Album too. When I was a teenager, I had a Velvet Underground poster I was really proud of. It was a black-and-white shot of them performing at the Factory. But for a lot of my teenage years I didn’t have my own room. I was sharing the living room with my brother, so I didn’t have a lot of my own space.

What’s the best advice you have ever received?
BOREDSHTLESS, Tombstone, AZ
I’ve been waiting for some advice! Other musicians have gotten close to older musicians who can help them out. I never had that. I did receive bad advice though. Somebody in the industry told me that if I put out Odelay, it would be a big mistake because there were no real songs. So, for a few months before it came out, I was convinced everyone was going to hate it and that it would be a total disaster. I was shocked when it wasn’t.

What’s the lamest job you ever had?
STARZ_LIKE_ME, Livingston, NJ
Oh man, I’ve had a whole lifetime of jobs. I was a mover, house painter, video store clerk. I used to work for a clown at kids’ parties and I wore a soda jerk uniform and made hot dogs. But the worst job was when I worked at an industrial factory in Watts unloading big metal beams off a truck. I was 17 and getting, like, $3.75 an hour. It was grueling, but now I have a deep appreciation for crew guys who break down stages and load them on trucks.

Describe a typical night at the Hansen house.
HARRY_PALMS, College Park, MD
My wife and I with the baby (who is seven months old now), helping him with his toys, feeding him his food, trying to get it in his mouth before he smears it on his face. He’s trying to eat the cellphone. Listening to music. Art projects happening all over the place.

Did writing songs about your breakup make you feel better?
BANGADASH_99, Tampa
You know, when you have a feeling that you don’t know what to do with, it does. Sea Change was hard to put out. It took me a couple of years to decide to even do it. It was really difficult to talk about, and I couldn’t articulate it beyond the music.

Ever tempted to become a dilettante and take a turn at acting?
SCOOPS66, Augusta, ME
I don’t really get offers anymore, but in the mid-’90s I was getting asked to be in movies all the time. I’m sure they are on to other people now. I passed on some good things, though, like Ghost World. I was asked to play a cowboy in All the Pretty Horses, and for School of Rock they wanted me to be a record-store guy. It’s probably a one in a hundred chance any movie would be good. And even if it is, it’s just a musician doing something because they can and not because it’s necessary or anything. A few years ago, I was in a friend of mine’s indie film, Southlander. It was just a little part and I was playing myself. Or some idea of myself.

Hey, you’re on the “cutting edge”—can you turn me on to any new bands?
MUZAK4U, Las Vegas
There’s a whole little scene doing music with Game Boys and old videogame equipment. 8 Bit from Los Angeles and Paza from Stockholm. Nullsleep is another one. They are raw and anti-technology by embracing disused technology. Octet is cool—they are from Paris and did a remix for me. The Arcade Fire is great, but everyone knows about them.

What’s the dirtiest thing you can say in Spanish?
PAPERTIGER02, Argyle, TX
Que putas! [“What whores!”] Chinga tu madre! It means “fuck your mother” or something. I hope my grandmother is reading this! Let’s keep it in Spanish so she can’t understand.