Dear Superstar: Robert Smith

What's black and red and white all over? Robert Smith’s face, of course. With ebony eye makeup and crimson MAC lipstick smeared across his ghost-of-an–English manor complexion, the curator of the Cure is slumped in a chair at the Sunset Marquis in Los Angeles treating Blender to a preview of The Cure, the band’s first CD in four years.

“The idea was never to become a famous person,” he says. “Whether we get into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame is not really keeping me awake at night. ”

Though he claims that for years his band was “airbrushed out of history,” the rise of groups like the Rapture, the Darkness and his favorites Mogwai find the Cure getting props from a generation that has never known a world without “The Lovecats.” Longtime fans Blink-182 even asked him to sing on their last album.

When the last guitar chord rings out, the singer invites Blender to an adjoining room, where he prepares to answer your questions armed only with his droll wit — and a bottle of Corona. “All the nutrients I need,” he explains.

You used to have a crippling fear of airplanes. How did you get over it?
JEFFK, BRONX, NEW YORK

I didn’t, actually. Around the time of [1989’s] Disintegration, we were so in demand that I figured if I said I was scared of flying, we could cut down the number of things that I did. Saying we had to sail everywhere or take trains, I could have days off traveling. So for about three years, 1989 to 1992, I kept the pretense that I had this phobia about flying. We did two American tours sailing over on the QE2, which was very civilized. The first time we did it, I arrived in America shattered — it was five days in a boat with, like, 47 bars and a casino. It was like a tour before a tour.

What kind of place is your hometown of Crawley, England?
LOVECATZ1348, BUTLER, PENNSYLVANIA

A soulless place. Most punk bands came from suburbia, not London, in those days. When you’re living that close to the city but not close enough, it will actually drive you to do something.

What Smith family tradition do you proudly uphold?
DVANN08, BUXTON, NORTH DAKOTA

Partly because it’s a Catholic family — even though I don’t retain any notion of it at all — the sense of Sunday being a special day, and the tradition of having the family around, has always remained with me. Actually, it’s always been quite a dismal day. There was certain music on the radio, the same dinner, a huge argument between my brother, who was intensely communist, and my dad, who had just been bumped up into the hierarchy of an evil empire that was charging starving people far too much for drugs. I have fought long and hard over the years to try and make Sunday like any other day, but it’s an unwinnable battle.

You’ve known your wife, Mary, for 30 years. Did you ever want to bring little Bob Smiths into the world?
SEXYSANTOS, ABERDEEN, MARYLAND

We decided at a very young age that we wouldn’t have children. My natural urge to be a father is actually not that great, but I do have 25 nephews and nieces, and I really revel in being an uncle. I can take them out or have them over for the weekend and be able to send them back. Being a child myself, I kind of know what the two of us have missed, but I think it is more than compensated for by being able to still be the same to her as when we first met. We have absolutely nothing to stop us from saying, “Let’s go away for three months,” and just walking out the door.

Are you a good boss?
MORESI792, JASPER, INDIANA

I’m the world’s best boss. I should get an award. I employ unemployable people and don’t expect anyone to do anything that I wouldn’t do myself. I interface with the real world. There are few people I’ve met that know more about what we do than I do, and you’d have to be pretty stupid not to grasp the basics: Essentially, the record company is trying to screw the artist. So I manage the band, and it’s not that hard. I deal with about 15 e-mails in 15 minutes, and they’re all yes or no answers. I suppose, from an early age, the sense of making my own mistakes was always very important to me.

What’s the stupidest mistake you’ve made while in the grip of demon alcohol?
BUFFALOBILL288, ABBOTT SPRINGS, ARIZONA

How long have you got? The one that always springs to mind was when I bet someone that I could go around the outside of a hotel jumping from balcony to balcony. It took about an hour, and once I got to a certain point it seemed farther to go back to where I could hear Mary screaming. I felt so exhausted that once I was on the other side of the building, I’d be sitting on someone’s balcony gasping. That was particularly stupid because the bet was lamentable, like one of those Beavis and Butt-head “I bet you can’t do that” things.

All things considered, do you have any regrets about having written a song called “Killing an Arab”?
BAMBOOOOOGAL, DOWNEY, CALIFORNIA

I don’t regret the song at all, but I think the title has drawn so much unnecessary attention. It’s gotten to the point where I’ve had it written into an agreement that the record company can’t use the song without my approval. Used in the wrong context, it has at times overshadowed everything we’ve ever done. And it’s not that good a song. If it was the best thing I’d ever written, I would probably get less upset about it.

Describe the first time you ever wore makeup.
FFLOBERG, QUINCY, MASSACHUSETTS

I was 12, and I was going to a school that was this educational experiment, which didn’t last long. You were expected to express yourself, so I wore a dress and makeup, and I got beaten up on the way home — which wasn’t really a very fair reward, but I suppose it hardened my resolve, because obviously I continued wearing makeup. I thought, “Why is makeup so offensive?” During the punk era, it was just a thing you did, part of going out. I’ve never been shy, but I don’t think I would really be the same person if I weren’t aware that I was wearing makeup. I feel that if I went onstage without makeup, I would just be a faceless lump.

How many black sweaters do you own, anyway?
SMCMURRIAN81, CHEYENNE, WYOMING

I own three. All made by my mum. One mohair and two woolen. But I haven’t worn them for years and years and years. I would say six days out of seven I wear black. Obviously on Sunday I wear a hair shirt.

Is that really you on Friendster.com?
LAGAMVITA, RANCHO PALOS VERDES, CALIFORNIA

No, but strangely enough, when I was introduced to Kelly Osbourne, that was her first question: Is that really you on Friendster.com? I’ve always said that if I go on anything like that I’d put it on our Web site, so people would know.

What is must-see TV for Robert Smith?
FRIEDAPPLE, EUNICE, LOUISIANA

NYPD Blue. I didn’t really get into when David Caruso was on it. Sipowicz is the character who drives the show, but everyone else is fantastic. The episode where Jimmy Smits died was one of the best television moments I’ve ever seen. With so many channels, the idea of television being something really important doesn’t happen anymore; everyone is watching something with “style.”

Which South Park character do you most closely identify with?
HELLOKITTEEE807, SEATTLE

Mr. Garrison!

What earned you the nickname “Fat Bob”: booze or snacking?
LEE_419, VIENNA, VIRGINIA

Unfortunately, my propensity to drink is the reason I have fluctuated in weight. I tend to go on extended binges for no real good reason. It’s a gene that I’ve got. I’m addicted!

When you saw Edward Scissorhands, did you say, “Oi, there’s my hair”?
PHOSHO, HUNTINGTON, NEW YORK

I’ve never seen it. Well, obviously, I’ve seen clips, and there was much mirth and merriment in the band over it — but I mean, Tim Burton had a hairstyle that’s not a million miles away from that.

What’s the biggest lie you ever told in an interview?
SANTASLITLHELPER, TEXARKANA, ARKANSAS

That I’d never seen Edward Scissorhands. Ha! I haven’t told lies in interviews for a long, long time, actually. I just went through a phase when I was doing a lot of interviews, fielding questions that are so inane, you lose the will to live. So I just started to lie as a means of entertainment for myself. And then everything that came out of my mouth was rubbish — my brothers and uncle didn’t exist, and I told a Japanese magazine that I had just had twin baby girls.

When your parents tour with you, what songs are they likely to sing along to?
NA213, KELLOGG, MICHIGAN

My mum likes the pop songs. She likes the new single, “The End of the World.” And my dad actually likes the ones that are lyrically more intriguing, like “How Beautiful You Are.”

What’s the most extravagant rock-star thing you’ve ever purchased?
MCKINTOLL, KANSAS CITY, MISSOURI

In New Orleans I bought a Red Indian invisible shirt with herb pouches all over it. Customs held it for seven months and were saying, “We have to cut open these pouches in order to establish what’s in them.” I said, “They’ve been sealed for 200 years!” That’s what makes it an invisibility shirt. Although apparently it is not one. I put it on once and played pool wearing it. But guitars are my real weakness. I’ve got a rather absurd collection of guitars, close to 100, and I can’t part with them once I’ve picked them up.

Describe a perfect evening for Robert Smith.
JUXTAGOTH, TWIN FALLS, IDAHO

It would involve homemade beer, Mary, a telescope, the sea and a bed.

Had you ever heard Blink-182 before they asked you to be on their record?
JENNIEFROMLEBLOCK, TARZANA, CALIFORNIA

I’d heard acouple of singles, but I couldn’t really see how I could sing on anything or write any words. But the demos for the album that eventually came out were fantastic. I think they suffer in a way that we suffered in that people weren’t allowing them to become something else. If another band put that new CD out as their first album, people would go crazy.

What would you say if Sir Elton John called you up and said that he wanted to record with you?
EAMOSLD, GREENBANK HOLLOW, VERMONT

“I’m very busy that evening watching television.”

What’s the secret to a great curry?
BRIAN, BALTIMORE

As many chilies as you can fit into the pan. I myself am a phaal eater — it’s the hottest of the hot, past vindaloo and tindaloo.

Would you consider flashing your right boob in front of a live audience in order to gain publicity for your new record?
TOOTZE, SANFORD, FLORIDA

Absolutely … not.

What is the first gig you ever attended?
KHEMICALL8, TYLER, TEXAS

I went to the Isle of Wight Festival in 1970. My brother took me, but I wouldn’t say I was aware that I was at a concert. I was 11 at the time. Jimi Hendrix played, and I stayed in the tent. I just remember two days of orange tent and dope smoke.

What do people give you for Christmas?
LILSODAS, ALLENVILLE, NEW YORK

My mum has bought me a thing called The Beano Book every year since I was born. Children make me stuff, art things, as does Mary. The investment of time has always seemed much more important.

Are you Scrooge-ish?
YRFASTNFURIOUS, JUNEAU, ALASKA

No! I am lavish. I take everyone away at Christmas. Every year I hire a coach, and we go to Euro Disney and stay at the hotel for a few days. Minnie Mouse coming up to me and asking me for my autograph with all the children looking on in absolute amazement was one of the best and most disturbing moments of my life.

If you had a family crest, what would it look like?
SHOWBANK, WARREN, RHODE ISLAND
I designed one once. I’d been given a book on heraldry in my teens, and I decided to design a family crest. It was a bed and a cloud and something else I can’t remember, and it had the Latin for “rest in dignity.” I thought it was a really cool motto.

What’s your favorite drug of all time?
JMP1973, RENO, NEVADA

I don’t take drugs anymore. Probably, if you keep taking drugs, it’s just like everything else — either it becomes a necessity or it becomes dull. Alcohol is one drug that stays with me, because it’s the one social drug that I’m able to enjoy. My dad brews his own beer, and that’s my favorite thing in the world.

What’s the worst professional advice you’ve ever been given?
HELIO78, DENVER

“Just listen to me!”

Would you sing at my funeral?
JOETJEFLOATER, REDLANDS, CALIFORNIA

It’s unlikely that I will, but I have nothing against the principle. That is not an open invitation to invite me to sing at your funeral. Please.