Who Does Eamon Think He Is?

That’s quite a self-portrait you drew, Eamon.
Yeah, right? I can’t really draw. I can’t even draw stick figures, so I was like, “How stupid can I make myself look?”

Pretty stupid, it turns out. The eyes are bloodshot, and you gave yourself buck teeth.
When I was trying to make the teeth, I was like, “What am I doing?” So I decided to make the mouth look like a girl’s pussy. I’m a joker, you know?

Yeah, it shows. How did you do in art class as a kid?
Horrible. When I got to high school, art was, like, a real class and shit, you know? I wasn’t in high school too long, though — I dropped out in the tenth grade.

Now that you’re a big star, do you live in a phat crib?
I live with my grandmother on Staten Island. Me and my grandma, my mother and father. I don’t even know how to do laundry. My grandma’s always like, “When the hell are you gonna learn how to do your own laundry? You’re 20 years old!” She’s the best. She’s a real Italian grandmother — she cooks that food right.

Who are you going to vote for this year?
I haven’t thought about it. The record business is too fucking crazy to be thinking about who you want to vote for.

What’s your least favorite style of music?
I can’t really fuck with opera. I’m talking about the opera you hear in those halls, and shit like that.

How did you celebrate getting a record deal?
Me, my brother and a couple of my friends went to my uncle’s strip club, Curves, on Staten Island. We had a few drinks, got drunk. Then we went to a club the next week. Every time we went out, we’d be like, “Let’s celebrate Eamon’s deal!”

Were the dancers friendly?
Of course. They’ll talk to the ugliest motherfucker in the place if they think he’s got loot. That’s their job.

What’s your favorite curse word?
Fuck. My hit single is “Fuck It.” When’s the last time you heard a song with 20 fucks get played on the radio? I don’t even realize I’m saying it sometimes. That’s a Staten Island thing. There’s a lot of fuck-ing going on.

And now you’re the “Fuck It” guy.
People come up to me like, “Yo, you sing that song ‘Fuck It.’” These kids, 8 or 9 years old, they’re voting for my song, they know my song. Kids got some dirty mouths nowadays.

How much is a quart of milk?
I don’t fucking know. I don’t even drink milk.

What’s the worst haircut you’ve ever had?
I did a show in New Jersey when I was 10 or 11, and I had hair like a mushroom — slicked back with a fade on the sides, and my mother made me pull one string of hair down, to look like Elvis. What the fuck did I let her do that for?

You wrote “Ho Wop” on your self-portrait. What does that mean?
It’s a flavor of hip-hop, a flavor of doo-wop, and ho’s. Hip-hop is just the generation I grew up in. I’ve been singing doo-wop since I was 9 years old. And I love them ho’s!