Dear Superstar: Sheryl Crow

In a genteel drawing room in London’s discreet Covent Garden Hotel, Sheryl Crow tucks a large pair of scuffed motorcycle boots beneath her neat behind and orders hot tea like an English gentlewoman. “Earl Grey with just the tiniest hint of milk,” she says, before reverting to her Southern roots. “And take those cookies away, because, man, they’re gonna tempt the hell outta me.”

The 42-year-old singer-songwriter is in town to play three sold-out shows and hustle her new, highly agreeable greatest-hits package, so this comfortable corner of England’s capital will be where the tour-toughened Crow will rest her head for the next week.

Dressed all in black, her finely chiseled features peeking out from a deep fur collar, Crow is not shirking her rock responsibilities this afternoon. Her small talk focuses on guitars, the road and guys “staying up all night, sweating.”

She addresses the bawdier conversational topics with the gusto of a bass tech and is delighted to learn that not far from where we are, just 300 years ago, there existed a street called Gropecunt Lane. “My,” she marvels. “I can’t imagine what went on there…but I bet it was kind of fun.”

I recently saw you perform, and I must say, you play pretty damn good bass for a chick. But why the switch from your usual guitar?
BANANAFISH, LONDON
For a chick? Hmm — well, I don’t know how to answer that. Carol Kaye was one of the great bass players of all time. She played with the Beach Boys. She was incredibly low-key, but she was an amazing bass player. I’ve written on bass for years and recorded a lot of bass on my records, so it’s not a switch; it’s just comfortable for me to play bass live on certain songs.

It’s 1 a.m., the gig’s over and you’re back on the bus after a night’s work. Describe the scene.
LOUDOG33, LA JOLLA, CALIFORNIA
I’m generally in my pajamas watching Chitty Chitty Bang Bang. No, the ritual is to drink a few beers, eat a bunch of food, watch a bit of a movie, then go to bed around 3 and wake up in the next town. I sleep like a baby on the bus. The old ones used to smell of man things, but just lately I’ve had my own bus, so that smells heavenly.

What is a Sheryl Crow groupie like?
AJBRO, HUNTSVILLE, ALABAMA
I don’t know if the male groupie actually exists. I get letters, and I’ve got a few stalkers, if they count, but men just don’t show up backstage and offer to come to the next town with you. I don’t know why — maybe they’re scared.

When was the last time you spoke to the Tuesday Night Music Club guys, with whom you made your first record and then had a famous falling-out?
DICKIELOVE, PROVIDENCE, RHODE ISLAND
I spoke to Bill [Bottrell] at the last Grammys. We hung out and chatted about everything. I see Brian [MacLeod] all the time because we have a creative life together. Dan Schwartz I don’t see. He was a pretty unhappy dude.

What’s on your iPod right now?
LASTERVIC, GRAND RAPIDS, MICHIGAN
The entire Beatles, entire Led Zeppelin, entire Elton John, entire Flying Burrito Brothers. Right now I’m listening to John Mayer’s new record, which has grown on me, and the new White Stripes, although I liked their last album better. Sarah McLachlan’s record is getting a lot of play, too. And Clarksville, the English band that’s opening up for us on tour. I really like them.

What’s so bad about George W. Bush?
MRLINK, CORPUS CHRISTI, TEXAS
I think my biggest beef with him, aside from the fact that he has completely wrecked our relationship with every other country, is that he is so completely driven by oil and greed. He’s an oilmonger.

Did you ever see the three-word review of Russell Crowe’s band that said, “He’s no Sheryl”?
SCOOP33, LAS VEGAS
That’s so funny. No, I didn’t see it, although I know we could never have been related because he has an e on the end of his name. So it’s just not possible.

Are you into any metal bands, dude?
LUTHERMAN, CHICAGO
Not especially, but if I were going to choose one, it would be Metallica, just because they’ve stood the test of time. They’ve aged gracefully. And if you consider Led Zeppelin to be metal — I mean, they kind of invented it — then I would choose them, as they’re one of the best rock bands ever. I can bang my head to them. I’ve got long hair, and that always helps.

Have you ever considered dating women? Who would be at the top of your list?
FRILLSAHOY, MINEOLA, NEW YORK
No, simply because I have this real affinity for men and all that goes along with them. All the physical attributes, anyway.

Is it true that you had a high-school date with Brad Pitt but can’t remember it?
AVRIL444, NAPLES, FLORIDA
I have a girlfriend who swears that I was set up on this thing called a “mystery date” that was a sorority/fraternity arrangement, but I just don’t remember. I think I would remember, because I knew Brad, and he was always very cute.

Can you recommend your favorite surfing spot? And please don’t say that it’s a secret.
TORPEDOBOY, SAN DIEGO
I have to be really careful and watch the surf reports regularly, because I’m not that good. Huntington Beach [south of Los Angeles] is a great spot, but if you surf in California you have to wear a wetsuit, and I have a beef with that.

I hear that you collect vintage recording equipment. What’s your favorite valve amp?
LICKYLICK, DEL RAY BEACH, FLORIDA
I don’t collect as such, but I have a studio, and when we were putting that together I was buying stuff like crazy. For a while there I got kind of obsessed. But my favorite tube amps are early Fender tweeds. I have a Fender Harvard that I use a lot. And we have a real small Supro, which Led Zeppelin used. It’s tiny, but it sounds huge.

Who are some of your dog Scout’s celebrity friends?
RUFFRIDER, STATEN ISLAND, NEW YORK
Oh, he hangs out with George Clooney and shoots pool with Brad Pitt. Just kidding. He actually spends a lot of time with Sarah McLachlan’s dog, who is a black lab. Scout’s a yellow lab.

Is there any song that never fails to make you cry like a baby?
RIPAFAN, TAOS, NEW MEXICO
When I first heard Tracy Chapman’s “Fast Car,” I bawled my head off. I thought it was the most honest depiction of her life. You knew it was so painfully true. And it just hit me.

Have you set foot inside a Wal-Mart since the company banned your 1996 record, Sheryl Crow?
RALPHMALPH, TOPEKA, KANSAS
Funny you should ask, because I was in Wal-Mart on Thanksgiving weekend. That’s the only grocery store in my hometown. We bought wine and half-and-half, stuff like that. My mom had already bought the serious turkey-type stuff.

When you were dating Eric Clapton, did he ever show you his model railroad set?
2HOT4U, MEDFORD, OREGON
No, I never did see that, but I heard about it.

I know you have a predilection for the older rock star, but Jim Morrison: Was he an overrated asshole, or what?
CASPERG, SAN LEANDRO, CALIFORNIA
He was so esoteric, and for me, yeah, his poetry was totally overrated. He took himself too seriously, and I heard that he never changed his clothes. He wore those leather pants for, like, eight years, so he must have stunk. That’s not sexy to me anymore. Stinky men are a thing of the past. Hygiene is in. It’s back!

Do you “still get high,” as you once sang? And are you more like “the kind of girl you’d take home” these days?
FRUITBAT, KEWANEE, ILLINOIS
Yes, I’m a kinder, gentler version of the person who wrote that song [“If It Makes You Happy”] in 1995. I’ve grown up and become a full-fledged adult — which has its upside, although I still have some teenager left in me. I definitely don’t feel my age. As for drugs, I’ve never been a big drug doer. I’ve smoked a little weed. I guess alcohol is the only drug I touch these days.

Own up: Did you date Kid Rock?
DAISYB, NEWTON, MASSACHUSETTS
No! I went to a Knicks game with him. I really love him, though. He’s a good boy.

Who are the sexiest male and sexiest female rock stars ever?
TICKLEMEELMO, COVINGTON, KENTUCKY
Mid-’70s Mick Jagger and early-’70s Robert Plant. And Keith Richards. I gotta say that Keith’s my dude. If I had to pick anyone to go home with, it would have to be Keith. Elvis Presley was hot. Jimi Hendrix was hot. Bob Dylan can still turn it on for the ladies, believe me. And the sexiest female ever? In her day, Linda Ronstadt was real hot.

When you sang backup for Michael Jackson, did you ever think, “Hmm, this fella’s a bit odd?”
DAWNEDARKO, CHARLOTTESVILLE, VIRGINIA
Uh, hello? Yeah. There was plenty of weirdness going on. For one, he barely spoke to me in 18 months, and that’s weird, because I’m fascinating, and I can’t believe that he didn’t want to speak to me. But the chimp was out on the road, and the Pepsi kid was around. It was like a weird circus. You sensed that this guy really had no sense of reality at all. It probably wasn’t even his fault. It’s so sad. He told me that his purpose on the planet was to save the children. From what, I don’t know.

I’ve always been impressed by your willingness to talk about your time in therapy. I’m 18 and would like to go into therapy, but I don’t know what kind to try. If you don’t mind me asking, what kind has worked best for you?
AGENT99, LAS CRUCES, NEW MEXICO
Exercise. That and meditation have worked well for me. But it doesn’t hurt to go and talk to somebody and understand the fragility of the human spirit. If you have any clinical leanings toward depression, it’s good to understand how to deal with that. It just takes a long time to find a therapist you can trust and who you feel is helping you. But there’s nothing wrong with wanting to talk to someone. Find that right person, and it should help.

I recently saw a photograph of you and your dad. He’s a pretty cool-looking guy. Are you two close?
SAMHILL65, SALT LAKE CITY
We’re very close. He looks a little like Sean Connery — very dapper. He’s cool in the jazz sense of the word. He’s an attorney, and he still practices law at age 71 and plays guitar in his band. I’ve sat in with them — the Usual Suspects. They play at places like B.B. King’s in Memphis, and they kick ass.

Would you like to have children, and would you consider adoption?
DRZAEUS, SAN FRANCISCO
That’s a very personal question. But I intend to have 10 or 12 kids, so I’d better get started. I’d like to have a litter. Do it all at once. Nine puppies!

You live in Los Angeles. Have you ever been tempted by Scientology?
ZOEW, KENT, CONNECTICUT
I can’t safely say no. I have no real clue what it’s about, though. It seems to be based on points and payola, and it’s very culty to me, but…whatever gets you through the night.

How many pairs of leather pants do you own, anyway?
SHEBARAEMAE_7, BENTONVILLE, ARKANSAS
That’s funny. Are you pissed off with me for having so many pairs? Hey — quit whining! I probably own around 15 pairs. One of the first pairs I bought in New York were these really thick motorcycle jeans, which I wore every single day. You could stand them up in the corner. Now I have them designed and made for me. Times have changed.

Do you feel as if you’ve lived before? If so, when and where?
JACKSPRAT, MILE CITY, MONTANA
I definitely feel like I’ve lived before. I feel that somewhere down the line, I’ve been connected with the Native American Indians. I gravitate heavily toward that. I have an incredible collection of clothing and artifacts.

I really like the way they perceive the universe in that you don’t truly own anything and you can’t take anything with you. We’re just passers through. And that God is in all of us and is an energy that holds us together the same that it holds together the molecules in a tree. I feel like I understand that. But I don’t think that I was an opera singer in a previous life or anything like that. I probably lived down the street from myself.

What’s the king of all insults? I particularly like shitflake.
MRPINK, ATLANTA
Shitflake? That’s pretty good. But I’m an old-fashioned girl — I like cocksucker. It’s classic. But cunt has to be the worst insult. I don’t enjoy being called that, although no one has ever called me a cunt to my face. But I bet there are some people who think I am one.

You’re a wise female elder in the venerable tribe of rock. What is your golden rule in life?
NEXT2NONE, NUTLEY, NEW JERSEY
If you’re going on a date with someone new, don’t eat asparagus, because it’ll make your pee stink. And be warned — Cap’n Crunch can do the same thing. It’s a similarly woody scent. Grody!