Who Does Ludacris Think He Is?

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So Luda, what did you draw for your self-portrait and why?
I drew the top of someone’s mind opening—that’s what my Theater of the Mind album is about. Every song is like a different movie. And hip-hop is about saying what’s on your mind and being honest about what’s going on in the world and in your neighborhood.

Speaking of mind expansion, do you remember your first experience with alcohol?
I was 13 and my father had just gotten married. They had a reception at my house and a bar with a whole lot of liquor laid out. By the next day, I had thrown up at least five times.

Where did you throw up?
Everywhere. The next two days, I was so hung over I told myself I’d never drink again. And I didn’t drink alcohol for another two or three years.

Was your dad mad at you?
He was pretty much hung over the same way, too. I don’t think he noticed.

Have you ever videotaped yourself having sex?
I have not. I have been a director before, and videotaped some other activity with women. There were no men involved, though.

So how would you characterize your directorial style?
I’m like Spike Lee: The camera’s always moving. And I always do the right thing with the camera.

What do you look like naked?
That question coming from you is just awkward. I’m like a black Conan the Barbarian, with a knife in my mouth, ready to jump off the bedpost.

What personal habit do you have that people find annoying?
I have ADD. I can’t sit still for long. People have a conversation with me and figure out that I’m not really listening.

What’s your astrological sign and what does it say about you?
I’m a Virgo. We’re very analytical, and we’re also neat freaks. My house has gotta be clean.

So you have ADD and OCD?
Exactly. It’s crazy.

Tell us a trade secret.
When you’re on tour, drinking alcohol every day and doing an hour show every day are not things that mix together. Around the time of my second album, I was always wondering, Why the fuck don’t I have a voice? This is ridiculous. It’s because I was drinking. There was this one show I’ll never forget in Philadelphia, when I had no voice. I’m glad I had a hype man, because he basically did the whole show, and I was lip-synching.

What do you hate to spend your money on?
Landscaping the 22 acres of my house. I’m looking into an eco-friendly grass called Alternative Grass. It’s made of reused rubber and it doesn’t release any toxins into the air. Looks like grass, feels like grass, all that.

What is God wearing right now?
A white robe, and some sandals, just kickin’ it. With an Afro pick in his hair.