Dear Superstar: Noel Gallagher

Dude, Jay-Z did an Oasis song at the Glastonbury Festival this summer after you questioned whether he belonged there. Why don’t Oasis do a version of Jay-Z’s “99 Problems”?
Rosiyoung, Seattle

That’s ridiculous. What did I think of Jay-Z doing “Wonderwall”? It was pretty­ funny. But I’m not sure one should be seen in public with a white Stratocaster.

I’m an aesthetician and I have to wonder: Has a girlfriend ever tried to get you to tweeze your unibrow?
Tanman41, Oxford, MI

I don’t speak to my girlfriends. [Laughs.] No. My eyebrows are wild and free, man.

What was the last gift you gave your brother Liam?
Sweetnsalty, Pullman, WA

I bought him a necklace that John Lennon used to wear, but that was years ago. I’m very difficult to buy for, too. When my birthday comes round, I say to my girlfriend, “Let’s just go out and get drunk.” 

What was the stupidest thing you bought when you became rich?
Now_im_64, Denver

I had built for me a customized 1967 Mark II Jaguar convertible at a cost of £110,000, and I haven’t got a driving license. It’s useless to me. I ordered this car and thought, By the time they build it, I will have passed my driving test. By the time I got a call saying they were delivering it, I’d forgotten all about it. Outside my house was this fucking £110,000 Jag. I couldn’t even remember ordering it.

How many pints can you handle before you’re on your knees?
Woody2oo4, Durham, U.K.

I can drink all fucking day and night and it doesn’t put a dent in me.
 
What are the most typically British things about you?
Landon, Keni, Berkshire, U.K.

My sense of humor and my sense of style. We might have shit teeth, but we’ve got better clothes and better music, and that’s the end of that.

What are the three things you do when you check into a hotel room?
Klapadam, Fordoche, LA

I phone home and see how my girlfriend and kids are, then I get in the shower and check out my surroundings. I love hotels. I love being in America when the football season’s on. I’m probably the only Englishman who understands the rules of American football. I was on acid one night when I was a teenager, and I just got it. It was a revelation. Never got baseball, though. Fuck that. It goes on for ­fucking hours.

I’m handing you a gun with four bullets. Do you take out Radiohead or do you take out Coldplay?
Setfreesimon, Daytona Beach, FL

I’d take out neither. Chris Martin’s a friend of mine. And I think Radiohead’s guitarist, Jonny Greenwood, is a fucking genius. Every time I see them live they blow me away. But Radiohead are not as good as people think they are. They’ve been making the same record for the last five years, if you ask me.