Adopt-a-Brit

Since January, when Britney landed in the looney bin for the second time, the pop star’s father, Jamie Spears, has acted as her legal conservator. But with his term set to expire in July, who—aside from Jesus—should take the wheel? Sam Lutfi, her Machiavellian enabler/manager? He’s been accused of drugging her and hiding her dogs. Adnan Ghalib, her married paparazzo boyfriend? He reeks of “leaked sex tape” and wears a furry landing strip on his chin. Neither will do. Luckily, the beleaguered singer has received enough offers from well-wishing celebrities to set her on the right path. Blender weighs the pros and cons:


Mel Gibson
What he's offered: A getaway to his 400-acre ranch in the Pacific paradise of Playa Barrigona, Costa Rica (exact destination still TBD)
Pro: A daily dose of Gibson's words of wisdom, such as "I'm finally starting to scratch the surface of what women want. And I think the answer lies somewhere between conversation and chocolate."
Con: No KFC, plus, "chocolate may evoke similar psychopharmacologic and behavioral reactions [as those associated with drug and alcohol abuse] in susceptible persons" - Chocolate.org.


Brigitte Nielsen
What she’s offered: “I live in Palm Desert ... Come hang out!”
Pro: Nielsen’s recent sobriety
Con: Potential Flavor Flav involvement

Christian Siriano (the winner of Project Runway)
What he’s offered: “A new reality show called Project Britney, where I would transform her
and save her life … She needs a gay!”
Pro: Fierceness
Con: Fierceness


Julia Roberts
What she’s offered: “[She] can move into my guesthouse. [I’ll] just take care of her.”
Pro: Probably a pretty nice guesthouse
Con: Life-threatening boredom

Gwen Stefani
What she’s offered: “I want to scoop her up and give her a kiss.”
Pro: Decent parenting tips
Con: Hard-to-remove red lipstick


Rosie O’Donnell
What she’s offered: “Come live with me. I’ve left her stalkerlike messages at the Four Seasons.”
Pro: No more stalker calls
Con: No more Four Seasons

Bindi Irwin
What she’s offered: “If Britney and her family want to go in the bush with us, we’d love to have them.”
Pro: No snapping paps in the bush
Con: Snapping crocs


Joey Fatone
What he’s offered: “Come to Orlando, get away from it all.”
Pro: A friend she’s known more than two months
Con: Justin Timberblake shrines