I Have Crazy Thoughts

According to the songs on your new album, Crazy Ex–Girlfriend, you’re a mouthy, temperamental, vengeful heartbreaker who likes guns, booze and cigarettes. Is that accurate?
I don’t smoke, but the rest of it is pretty right on. People are like, “You hate men.” No, I just hate anyone who’s rude to me.

Why would people think you hate men?
Probably because I write songs about killing them and blowing up their houses. [Laughs.]

So on a scale of 1 to 10, how crazy are you?
A 5.5. I mean, I have crazy thoughts. I can get a little psycho–y. I’m just a get–even person, really. Instead of throwing a temper tantrum, I’d rather do something worse to whoever hurt me.

On your early single “Kerosene,” you set a cheating boyfriend on fire. Now you’ve got “Gunpowder & Lead,” where you shoot an abusive boyfriend.
It’s a fantasy—I can write whatever I want. To me, country music is about drinkin’ and cheatin’. It’s about depressing stuff. For a while, country radio was playing only feel–good songs: It was all about “Every day is beautiful,” “I’m so blessed.” And I’m like, “What?” I don’t want to hear a song like that on a shitty day. And people driving home from work don’t want to hear that either.

When you entered the televised singing competition Nashville Star in 2003, what was the state of your career?
I was living with my parents, playing in bars every weekend. I auditioned for Nashville Star in Dallas with 250 people, and I didn’t make the top 30. I wore a hideous outfit—tight black pants and a sparkly blue shirt—sang a Shania Twain song, and I kind of sucked. My heart wasn’t into it. Two weeks later, I went to another audition in Houston, sang “Crazy” and ended up winning.

You made it to the finals of Nashville Star. What were you thinking onstage?
Lord, please do not let me win. I don’t know if it’s on the DVD, but when I was eliminated, I went, “Yes!”

Did you have a classic country–music ­upbringing? Any moonshiners in the family, or grandmas who picked cotton?
We were pretty poor, part of the time. When I was 5, we couldn’t afford a house anymore, so we moved in with my uncle. It was awful. My parents are private investigators, and the phone just stopped ringing. It’s not like you can ask people, “Is your husband cheating on you? Because I need work.” Even though I’d get my clothes at Goodwill or my mom made them, she made sure I looked as cute as the other girls. I’m spoiled, because I got so much attention from my parents. That’s probably my problem now. I want to be hugged; I want to be loved. You wouldn’t think that, with my personality and the tattoo on my arm. But I need a lot of attention.

Did your parents’ work pick up again?
Yeah, we moved out to the country and renovated a farmhouse. We had rabbits, goats, pigs and a big garden. My mom would go, “Y’all go pick out what you want to eat tonight,” so we’d bring in squash and cabbage and she’d make rabbit stir–fry. It was awesome. And because of the rabbits, I learned about sex very early in life.

Are you still a rabbit fan?
I can’t wait to start a farm. I love animals. People are like, “You’re a contradiction,” because I’m also a hunter. I piss people off by talking about this. But every animal I’ve ever killed, I’ve used for food. If God didn’t want us to eat animals, he wouldn’t have made them out of meat.

So there are some animals we feed, and other animals—
That feed us! Exactly. Vegetarians are the healthiest people I know. But how do you smell bacon and not want to eat it? I would rather kill myself.

What’s the biggest thing you’ve ever shot?
A deer. It scored a 145, a really huge eight–pointer.

You used a rifle?
No, a bow and arrow. I started bow–hunting deer last year. My boyfriend [country singer Blake Shelton] bought me a bow.

Did you consider that a romantic gift?
Oh yeah, I loved it. That’s the best gift a boyfriend has ever given me.

Where did the song title “Gunpowder & Lead” come from?
I was in a concealed–handgun class with my dad, and I asked him, “What exactly is a bullet made out of?” And he was like, “Well, you have gunpowder and lead … ” That was all I needed to know. ’Cause I was thinking, What are little girls made of?

Sugar and spice and everything nice?
Bullshit! [Laughs.] Gunpowder and lead.

Why do you want to carry a concealed weapon?
I use it for protection. I think a lot less crime would happen if some women who get raped and left for dead in an alley had had a gun on them.

So it’s a bad idea to sneak up on you.
Yes. I almost shot a boyfriend once. I literally had the gun in his face. I heard a noise outside my house and saw something flash across the window, so I got my revolver and opened the door like they do on Cops. He came around the corner, and I was like, “That was pretty stupid. I would have shot you and then dragged you into my house, so it looked like you were breaking in.” [Laughs.]

Do you have a gun on you now?
If it’s concealed, I can’t tell you. So are you wondering? Good.