Listen: R. Kelly Wants to Touch Your Body (Sorry)

R. Kelly [ft. Mariah Carey]
"Touch My Body" (Remix)

Now that we think about it, "Touch My Body" has a strong, forever-bouncing R. Kelly vibe, so this redo makes a lot of sense. It mostly lives up to the Remix King's lofty legacy, featuring impenetrable logic like: "Girl, if you let me, I'm gonna touch it/ But if I touch it, I'm gon' wanna hit it/ But if I hit it, I'm gon' wanna split it/ And while I'm splittin' it you be screamin' 'quit it'/ But I can't quit it, I'm just gettin ' started." Granted, if we were facing child pornography charges for a case that's set to go to trial next month (finally!), we probably wouldn't sing about forcing ourselves upon women after they've yell "quit it" ... but, then again, you could say the same thing for most of Kells's raunchy post-sex tape output. He's crazy, but he knows how to put his stamp on a remix like no other. Gotta wonder if Mariah approved this one before it hit the net ...