American Idol Scorecard: Mariah Night Turns into David Cook Night

After all those years in the spotlight, you'd think Mariah Carey would've perfected a fake smile by now. But there she was last night — uncomfortable plastic grin firmly in place — doing her best Paula impression as she went on about how she hoped each of the remaining seven finalists make it to "the top of the charts" (as long as she doesn't have a single out at the same time, we assume). Aside from Celine Dion, there's possibly no greater Idol archetype than Mariah, and as several contestants tried (and failed) to impersonate her, she seemed slightly surprised at her own influence. We're still waiting for this season's designated curmudgeon judge (a la Bon Jovi last year) — maybe Neil Diamond will bring the bitterness in a couple weeks ... (watch last night's performances here).

David Archuleta: Archuleta to Mariah: "I'm not worthy to be in your presence." True! Also: Leather pants?! Pathetic how the judges are scared to criticize him in fear of losing every Idol viewer under 15.
Jason Castro: If it wasn't for David Cook, everyone would be talking about Castro for the second week in a row. Jack Johnson + sex = a potentially lucrative post-Idol career playing to teenage girls and their stoner moms.
David Cook: The guy's ability to turn anything and everything into a Def Leppard power ballad is staggering. Easily one of the year's best performances — and, if you believe Dial Idol, it could mark the point when he surpassed that other David.
Kristy Lee Cook: Whether Vote for the Worst paid Mariah to tell her "you gave me goosebumps" is up for debate, but this one-note hick is truly getting on our nerves at this point. She's not just hanging in there, but thriving. Horny country bumpkins, please stop voting for this cross-eyed automaton.
Syesha Mercado: Mariah clearly hated her. We couldn't be more indifferent.
Carly Smithson: Will be the latest big-voiced Idol to bite the dust due to a lack of originality. It'll be interesting to see her tattoo-faced husband's non-reaction when Seacrest says bye-bye.
Brooke White: Though we're not Brooke's biggest fans, she stuck to her winning "Let It Be" formula and nailed (most of) "Hero." That whole bit about her getting a cardboard cutout of herself to place at her sister's wedding was tremendously creepy though.