You drew your self-portrait in 10 seconds, a new Blender record! It reflects my personality. I’m half-ass ready with makeup done on only one side. I’m kind of a mess. But I still show up.
It’s a typical Friday night at 11 P.M. What are you doing?Jerking off. [
Laughs.] Watching TV, eating and jerking off by the fireplace.
What’s the worst mistake you ever made?I don’t think there is any. Well, I regret doing drugs before I hit puberty. I should have at least waited till I hit 12. [
Laughs.]
What are your vices?Painkillers. Back then, I was a hardcore drug addict. I know better now because I’ve been down that route. Now, I just jump in the hot tub. It makes you really drowsy, and you feel relaxed.
From 1 to 10, how good-looking are you?I think personality-wise, I’m a 10. Looks-wise … depending on my haircut, it can range from 7 to 10.
Talk us through your worst haircut.Oh, God, my bowl haircut! My mom used to put a bowl around my head so I looked mushroom-y on top. She’d send me off to school and you wouldn’t know if I was a girl or a boy. Maybe that’s why I became a bisexual!
If you were a man, who would you want to be?Henry VIII. He had all these wives; he changed all the rules. He’s the one who messed up, but then he got himself out of trouble by chopping their heads off. He was the first pimp!
What do you spend too much money on?Shopping. I have a problem with not looking at the price tag. But that’s because when I was younger I didn’t have any money, and I used to go shoplifting all the time.
What’s the trick to being a good shoplifter?Being bold. You can’t hesitate. I’d see a leather jacket on display, and usually the display ones didn’t have sensors on them. I’d put it on my arm as if it were mine, and I’d just walk out.
Have you ever videotaped yourself having sex?Yeah, who hasn’t? I’m like, “Listen, I don’t want to waste any more money renting porno. Why don’t we make our own?” We’ll watch it, and I go, “Damn, I’m hot!” [
Laughs.] And then I destroy it, right then and there, so I know it’s not going anywhere.
How would you characterize your taste in sex? Uninhibited. I learned that the more comfortable I am and the more I go all out, the more I get from the other person. They look at me like, Wow, this girl’s crazy!
Who could you meet that would make you lose your cool? Clive Owen. He’s really grungy. If I’m dating a guy, I want him to be a man. And Angelina Jolie. Back in the day, I would have totally banged her.
What do people who don’t like you say about you? That I’m a talentless whore-slut. Well, I must have a lot of talent to get a reaction out of everyone.
What song brings you to tears? “My Heart Will Go On” by Celine Dion! Oh, God, that’s so cheesy! My whole life, I never allowed myself to cry. Growing up, I felt like my life was so hardcore that if I cried it would all come crashing down on me. Now it’s all coming out. It freaked me out a little at first, because I’m like, “Why am I crying at
The Simpsons?” Then I realized, “Hey, that felt really good.”
How will you be remembered?People may not realize it now, but I know that I will be remembered for my heroic ways. Having a show about bisexuality — kids on the street, gay and lesbian, come up and thank me for doing that.
What would you like written on your gravestone? BADDEST BITCH ON THE BLOCK.