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This one had promise. Even though Madonna is a Big Celebrity who is known for being kind of kooky and easily susceptible to new age trends of the moment, it was thought that with age-fueled maturity, and with the influence of a pretty cool, regular dude like Guy Ritchie, this relationship might go the distance. The long haul, as they say.
Today, however, marks the beginning of the end. The two obtained a quickie divorce in London; if all goes well for the next six weeks, if there are no hiccups or incidents, the divorce becomes final. Madonna can continue her mildly lunatic lifestyle and Guy can embark on a lifetime's worth of jawdropping pub talk (for example in the Punch Bowl, the Mayfair, London pub that Madonna is letting Guy keep).
The settlement, what we are hearing of it, is as doozie-filled as you can imagine. To, erm, wit:
The kids they share, Rocco and David, will split time between Guy's London home and Madge's New York pad.
Apparently, arguments over where the kids would be brought up finally put the marriage over the edge. Lourdes aka Lola, Madonna's first kid with Carlos Leon, will stay with Madonna fulltime (lucky her, etc.). The question remains: why would Madonna return to the States after spending years with an acting coach working on her English accent?
Madonna will keep most of her dough, though Ritchie will be given a three million pound "sweetener," thanks to Madonna and her generosity.
Guy never once went after Madonna's money - a smart move towards winning the battle in the court of public opinion. The (relatively) small amount Madonna handed over is peanuts to her, and it allows Guy to afford relevant opulance for when the kids are in town. Of course, anonymous sources "close to the couple" suggest that Guy is smart, and will be getting far more than what is being portrayed in the public. Though...
...Guy says it was never about money, or her "bloody art collection."
Think the guy who directed Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels is going to let this sordid affair taint his tough guy image? Think again. He's a man's man, dammit, and is only interested in the welfare of the children. Madonna can take her dumb paintings and go eff herself (which, given the photos in her Sex book, wouldn't be a surprise).
There are rules Guy has to follow when he has the kids.
Bizarre rules which give just a hint of what it must be like to be in a marriage to Madonna. No DVDs. No telly. No clothes with manmade fabrics. No intros to Guy's pals. Or girl pals. No "spiritually or ethically unsound" toys. In other words, Guy has to keep the kids away from Mommy's Special Closet.
It's a sad ending, but it could be worse - a long, drawn-out court battle would have been in no one's best interest, particularly Madonna's, who, as a world famous celeb with unusual hobbies and interests, presumably has far more to hide than plain old Guy. Now, Guy can go back to his friends, and Madonna can go back to whatever it is she does behind closed bamboo walls.
Photo by Getty Images.
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