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This one had promise. Even though Madonna is a Big Celebrity who is known for being kind of kooky and easily susceptible to new age trends of the moment, it was thought that with age-fueled maturity, and with the influence of a pretty cool, regular dude like Guy Ritchie, this relationship might go the distance. The long haul, as they say.
Today, however, marks the beginning of the end. The two obtained a quickie divorce in London; if all goes well for the next six weeks, if there are no hiccups or incidents, the divorce becomes final. Madonna can continue her mildly lunatic lifestyle and Guy can embark on a lifetime's worth of jawdropping pub talk (for example in the Punch Bowl, the Mayfair, London pub that Madonna is letting Guy keep).
The settlement, what we are hearing of it, is as doozie-filled as you can imagine. To, erm, wit:
The kids they share, Rocco and David, will split time between Guy's London home and Madge's New York pad.
Apparently, arguments over where the kids would be brought up finally put the marriage over the edge. Lourdes aka Lola, Madonna's first kid with Carlos Leon, will stay with Madonna fulltime (lucky her, etc.). The question remains: why would Madonna return to the States after spending years with an acting coach working on her English accent?
Madonna will keep most of her dough, though Ritchie will be given a three million pound "sweetener," thanks to Madonna and her generosity.
Guy never once went after Madonna's money - a smart move towards winning the battle in the court of public opinion. The (relatively) small amount Madonna handed over is peanuts to her, and it allows Guy to afford relevant opulance for when the kids are in town. Of course, anonymous sources "close to the couple" suggest that Guy is smart, and will be getting far more than what is being portrayed in the public. Though...
...Guy says it was never about money, or her "bloody art collection."
Think the guy who directed Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels is going to let this sordid affair taint his tough guy image? Think again. He's a man's man, dammit, and is only interested in the welfare of the children. Madonna can take her dumb paintings and go eff herself (which, given the photos in her Sex book, wouldn't be a surprise).
There are rules Guy has to follow when he has the kids.
Bizarre rules which give just a hint of what it must be like to be in a marriage to Madonna. No DVDs. No telly. No clothes with manmade fabrics. No intros to Guy's pals. Or girl pals. No "spiritually or ethically unsound" toys. In other words, Guy has to keep the kids away from Mommy's Special Closet.
It's a sad ending, but it could be worse - a long, drawn-out court battle would have been in no one's best interest, particularly Madonna's, who, as a world famous celeb with unusual hobbies and interests, presumably has far more to hide than plain old Guy. Now, Guy can go back to his friends, and Madonna can go back to whatever it is she does behind closed bamboo walls.
Photo by Getty Images.
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 Musician/director Rob Zombie recently checked in with Blender.com to promote his new DVD, the three-disc Halloween Collector’s Edition, and reveal what ghoulish delights he’s got in store for 2009.
What DVD, aside from the Halloween Collector’s Edition, should folks be sure to watch this All Hallows Eve?
Good question. I’ve been actually trying to figure that one out myself. I always try to search for what I should watch this year to be in the Halloween mood, and the movie I chose about two nights ago was Murders in the Rue Morgue with Bela Lugosi. Why? Because I was tired, and it’s only 61 minutes long. It’s awesome. Now movies can’t tell a story in less than three and a half hours, and back then it was 61 minutes, done. Classic.
Your next movie, Tyrannosaurus Rex, is shrouded in mystery, but we do know that it’s not about dinosaurs. What can you tell us about it?
 Well, it’s not about anything at the moment because I’m not actually working on it yet. It’s become one of those projects that got announced way too early. The movie I’m actually working on is The Haunted World of El Superbeasto. I’ve been working on that for three years, and I’m actually in the last weeks of it--I’m mixing the sound this week. I’m not sure of the release date yet, but that’ll be out probably early 2009. It’s a full-length adult animated comedy. I don’t even want to talk about Tyrannosaurus Rex. I hate talking about projects that are that far in the future. Things change so often.
This year has seen movies from Madonna, Adam Yauch and Fred Durst. How do you rate your fellow musicians-turned-directors’ films?
I haven’t seen any of those movies. All I know is the Fred Durst movie was The Longshots, which looked like a teen comedy for young girls about a girl football player. I wouldn’t have gone to see that no matter who directed it. I didn’t go see Beverly Hills Chihuahua either--I just don’t see movies like that.
There’s a White Zombie box set coming out next month. When will we hear any new music from you?
You’ll never hear any music from White Zombie. And as far as me, I’m finishing up a record that should be done around Thanksgiving. I don’t know the release date yet, but in early 2009 I should have a new record. It’s the first record that I’ve made with the [touring] band that I’ve had for a while now. Really, this is the first time since White Zombie that I’ve actually made a record with a band. Usually it’s myself with sort of a rotation of musicians. And I think that for that reason the new record has a really solid vibe to it. There’s something to be said for a band of guys who are really playing and working things out rather than a person all by himself.
Back to Halloween: What kind of candy do you hand out to trick-or-treaters at the Zombie residence?
The candy situation is disgusting over here. We have so many trick or treaters, last year we ran out of candy again. I counted the trick or treaters--we had over a thousand. After we ran out of candy, we just shut the door and turned out the lights, and they kept coming. A thousand trick or treaters is ridiculous. For the first half hour it seems really fun, and then it feels like you’re working at Wendy’s or something, you’re just serving candy to people. It’s madness.
 Do you do anything special on Halloween, like dress up or decorate the house?
It’s a big house and at night it looks real scary, so we don’t even have to do that much. I mean, most little kids are afraid to go up the steps. So we don’t overdo it. There was one year after I had shot House of 1000 Corpses, and I just had tons of props left over from that movie. So we hung all these severed body parts from the trees. Most of the kids were terrified to come near it. So we decided to tone it down a little bit after that. |
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Madonna! Guy! It's over! Love don't live here any more, and frankly, from the looks of things, love skipped out on the cable bills without a forwarding address years ago. How can something so horrible be true?
We don't know. It just is. But we do know this: it's a day of tears and torment for Madonna fans around the world. It all adds up--So this is why she didn't do "Cherish" at Madison Square Garden last week! So this is why she isn't using that doofy English accent anymore! So this is why she spent the past year allegedly banging A-Rod like a bumper car!
Marrying Madonna is kind of like declaring yourself the Emperor of the Zulus--you know it's an honorary title you're only going to keep until the first time somebody calls your bluff. But call us crazy, we really believed in Madonna and Guy, if only because this marriage has been pronounced dead so many times, it seems like these guys would have split up years ago if they were going to split at all. Guess not.
Okay, all kidding aside, these are real people and this is genuinely sad. So we're going to spend tonight sobbing into our Drowned World Tour 2001 promotional cowboy hats, watching Swept Away with the sound off, and blasting this very special Madonna Breakup Playlist. Here are a few of the bummed-out Madonna songs that have gotten us all through so many of our own tragic breakups over the years. Wherever you are tonight, Maddie, remember:
You are a ray of light. You shall live to tell, as your tears of mourning sink beneath the sun. Take a bow. Sniff!
"Take A Bow," 1995.
"Till Death Do Us Part," 1989.
"Don't Tell Me," 2000.
"Live To Tell," 1986.
"Human Nature," 1995.
"Hung Up," 2006.
"Love Don't Live Here Anymore," 1985.
"Frozen," 1998.
"Over And Over," 1985.
"Promise To Try," 1989.
"Sorry," 2006.
"Ray Of Light," 1998.
Listen to most of the songs below: Madonna Break-Up Songs |
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 << The new American Idol judge is BFFs with Nick Lachey. [Billboard]
+ You'll never guess who Madonna is voting for ... [The Daily Swarm]
+ DMX contemplates escaping jail to eat a Big Mac. Damn Special Sauce! [TMZ]
+ We could listen to Young Jeezy talk about Michael Phelps for hours [Nah Right]:
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In celebration of Hump Day, please give us your 2 cents on the following...
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 << Freak folk comedian Devendra Banhart and Human Giant comedian Aziz
Ansari collaborate on a song about duck people called "Duck People Duck
Man." This may be the single best thing we've heard today. [Aziz Is
Bored]
+
Swedish pop rebel Robyn will join Madonna on her upcoming European
tour. Nice to see things work out exactly how they should every now and then.
[BBC]
+ Liz Phair gets some semi-famous people to compliment her on camera in this trailer for an Exile in Guyville documentary that will come with the album's upcoming reissue. [Stereogum]
+ Josh Homme lets his inner homophobe (and inner psychotic) loose while berating some asshole fan at a recent Queens of the Stone Age show [Prefix]:
[Photo credit: Lauren Dukoff] |
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 << What it looks like inside Madonna's vagina (surprisingly SFW). [Racked]
+ American Idol winner David Cook says he's not trying to be Daughtry. Well, yeah — everyone knows he's trying to be the lead singer of the Verve Pipe. [MTV]
+ Generally crappy rapper Yung Berg just got a billion times more interesting thanks to his irrational fear of sandwiches. [Grub Street]
+ The upcoming documentary about the insane life and times of Motörhead lead singer Lemmy Kilmister will feature ass kissing from admirers include Dave Grohl, Slash and, um, wrestler Triple H. [Billboard] |
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| Album Reviews of the Week: Madonna, Portishead and More |
| Posted 4/29/2008 12:00:00 PM by Blender Reviews Dept. |
| Filed under: Album review, album reviews of the week, Bun b, Jamie Lidell, lil mama, Madonna, Portishead, robert forster, Santogold, The Roots |
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Madonna
Hard Candy
Warner Bros.
Middle-aged legend seeks
younger men for sexy songs, light bondage.
By Jon Dolan
>> Read the full
review here.
Portishead
Third
Mercury/Island
Beautifully sad Brits turn truly woeful.
By Sia Michel
>> Read the full
review here.
Santogold
Santogold
Downtown/Lizard King
Hip-hop hipster mocks hipsters, gets even hipper.
By Jon Dolan
>> Read the full
review here.
 The Roots
Rising Down
Def Jam
Snakebitten rappers quit grumbling, make their best LP in years.
By Hua Hsu
>> Read the full
review here.
Bun B
Trill II
Rap-A-Lot/Asylum
A trunk-rattling bulletin from the wise old bard of Southern rap.
By Josh Eells
>> Read the full
review here.
Lil Mama
VYP: Voice of the Young People
Jive
Nearly a year after her great
summer hit “Lip Gloss,” Harlem-born Niatia Kirkland denies she’ll be a
one-hit wonder.
By Tal Rosenberg
>> Read the full
review here.
Robert Forster
The Evangelist
Yep Roc
Surviving half of indelible
Australian songwriting combo is still collaborating, even after
death.
By Robert Christgau
>> Read the full
review here.
Jamie Lidell
Jim
Warp
The hipster Robin Thicke mines blue-eyed gold
By Ryan Dombal
>> Read the full
review here.
>> Watch our recent video interview with Jamie Lidell here. |
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 Madonna and producer Pharrell Williams on the making of Hard Candy.
MADONNA:
On a scale of 1 to 10 how difficult was it?
“1 for creativity, 10 for coordinating everyone’s busy schedules.”
Studio Demands:
“Starbucks Chai Latte and as few interruptions, visitors and people in the studio as possible who weren’t involved with the music.”
Loved ones who died during the making of this album:
“None, thank God.”
Number of samples I had to clear:
“None, thank God.”
People shouldn't illegally download this album because:
“Nothing is for free.”
The budget for this album could have bought:
“A racehorse.”
The haters will say:
“What they want … ”
PHARRELL:
Where did the magic happen?
“We worked in London and in L.A., but most of the work got done in L.A.”
On a scale of 10 to 10 how difficult?
“She doesn’t fuck around. We did battle every day. She was like, ‘Work it out. I’m paying you, motherfucker.’ It was like going back to college—I’ve never been to college, but it’s like someone who’s gone to college and gotten a degree going back to college. And getting paid for it.”
The money spent recording this album could buy:
“Oh, that wouldn’t be decent for me to answer.”
Studio temperature?
“She likes it sweltering hot. Like, sweat dripping down your rib cage and arms.”
Three things you need to work:
“I don’t have a rider, but if I did, it would be, like, candy. And Willy Wonka playing on a TV during the session. My favorite candy is white-chocolate-covered pretzels. Bangin’!”
Studio guests?
“Her kids came one time. You think one’s going to be drooling and shit, the other’s going to be on drugs at age 7. But they’re good kids, man.”
What's your sales pitch?
“It’s the ultimate workout album, 100 percent defiant fun.”
The haters will say:
“She cheated. She got Timbaland, she got Justin, she got people who would be relentless. And by the way, she’s no slouch.”
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WHO: Madonna [ft. Justin Timberlake]
WHAT: "4 Minutes" [Directors: Jonas and Francois]
WHY: Next to Justin, it looks like Madonna is forced to exert a lot of energy in order to look like a pop star here. She tries to play it cool, but we're not completely buying it. Madge starting to act her age? End of the world, indeed.
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