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 << The new American Idol judge is BFFs with Nick Lachey. [Billboard]
+ You'll never guess who Madonna is voting for ... [The Daily Swarm]
+ DMX contemplates escaping jail to eat a Big Mac. Damn Special Sauce! [TMZ]
+ We could listen to Young Jeezy talk about Michael Phelps for hours [Nah Right]:
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When these two soul slingers aren't selling hit
records, voicing animated flicks, winning American Idol competitions or
denouncing a woman's right to choose, they're out touring. That's right, like a
pair of traveling minstrels, R&B boy Jesse McCartney and barely legal diva
Jordin Sparks have joined forces and are coming to a town near you. Teenagers
rejoice, parents break down in tears.
"JESSE &
JORDIN LIVE" Tour 2008
Dates:
Tue-Aug-05
Sacramento,
CA Sacramento Community Center
Theatre
Thu-Aug-07
Los Angeles,
CA Orpheum
Theater
Fri-Aug-08
Glendale, AZ
Jobing.com Arena (Theatre Set-Up)
Sat-Aug-09 San
Diego, CA Humphrey's Concerts By
the Bay
Mon-Aug-11 Salt Lake City, UT
Abravanel Hall
Wed-Aug-13 Denver, CO Ellie Calukins Opera
House
Fri-Aug-15
Minneapolis,
MN The State
Theater
Sun-Aug-17 Detroit, MI Royal Oak Music
Theatre
Tue-Aug-19
New York, NY NOKIA
Theatre - Times Square
Wed-Aug-20 Boston, MA TBD
Fri-Aug-22
Atlantic City,
NJ The Ballroom at Boardwalk
Hall
Sat-Aug-23 Sewell,
NJ Commerce Bank Arts
Centre
Sun-Aug-24 Pittsburgh, PA
The Benedum Center for Performing Art
Wed-Aug-27 Toronto, ON
Sound
Academy
Fri-Aug-29
Washington,
DC DAR Constitution
Hall
Sat-Aug-30
Greensboro,
NC War Memorial
Auditorium
Tickets
will be available for purchase via Ticketmaster.com, Charge-by-Phone and at
select Ticketmaster retail locations as well as online at AEGLive.com.
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 David Cook
"Time of My Life"
So, for once, America's endless thirst for Nickelback-style rock works in our favor! David Cook is this year's American Idol and, as you can see, he's currently more popular than Coldplay, Rihanna and every other musician on earth according to iTunes.
Still, even the country's favorite reality show contestant can't turn the
inevitably heinous Idol winning song into something listenable. "I'm out
on the edge of forever — ready to run!" he sings, making utterly no sense. But most of the lyrics are squarely on other side of obviousness —
the song is called "Time of My Life," after all. Also, is Cookie trying
to tell the world something when he sings, "I've been looking for that
magic rainbow on the horizon"? (Remember, he doesn't have a
girlfriend.) Meh, probably not. All that said, though, we're genuinely excited for the
word nerd's big time debut — but please, more "Billy Jean," less "Time of My Life." 
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Fatality:
Illustration by Grant Siedlecki
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 << We're not sure which Idol finale rumor is more far fetched, the one about
Michael Jackson making an appearance or the one about Ben Stiller,
Robert Downey Jr. and Jack Black backing-up a hologram Gladys Knight
(really). [Pop Crunch/TMZ]
+ Boy band svengali Lou Pearlman
gets a 25 year jail sentence after being found guilty of cheating
investors out of over $300 million and launching O-Town's career. [MTV]
+
N.E.R.D. aren't happy with just putting out mediocre rap rock records
anymore — now they're working on a feature length documentary all
about making mediocre rap rock records. [NME]
+ Who needs an iPod when you have a jacket that plays music (below)?! [Music Thing] |
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As we cross our fingers and listen to 7even
Year Itch: Collective Soul Greatest Hits 1994-2001 in anticipation of a
David Cook win tonight, here are some random observations from last
night's performance show (with handy YouTube links built in):
 << David Archuleta's vocabulary consists of exactly 47 words. At least 20 of those words are variations of the word "gosh."
+ Seacrest is not happy about Michael Buffer handling the show's intro.
+ If he had to go the U2 route, Cook should've sang "With or Without You."
+ Nothing represents the manliness of forced boxing metaphors like Andrew Lloyd Weber.
 << Proof that the judge's comments are premeditated, part one. Paula: "We have found what we're looking for."
+ We hope Jim Lampley was paid handsomely for his fight night "insights."
+ Every original Idol song must include the words "moment" and "my," not necessarily in that order.
+ Randy: "I love Collective Soul."
 << Did Cook really have to roll with the unplugged guitar in the finale?
+
Collective Soul's "The World I Know" is currently at no. 50 on iTunes and rising.
+ Proof that the judge's comments are premeditated, part two. Paula: "The sun will never go down on you."
+ Just remember, whoever wins could be as famous as Ruben Studdard! |
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We've hated Archuleta all season, but we have to admit he dug deep into his bag of heartless rubber soul last night to make David Cook sweat. So why is he on the wrong side of Dial Idol's predictor poll? As Andew Lloyd Weber might say, it's all in the eyes:
More Idol finale coverage — including a Paula Pun Watch — tomorrow!
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 << This year's most interesting American Idol contestant/crybaby, Josiah
Leming, scores a record deal.
[Billboard]
+ In case you were wondering, Courtney Love is still alive ... and making music ... and blogging! [MySpace]
+ Kanye West considers groundbreaking masturbation technology. [Kanye West Blog]
+ Napster finds new and creative ways to be irrelevant. [Coolfer] |
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Our
preparations for next week's Idol finale are vast and intricate.
Sweatshops in third world countries are currently churning out David
Archuleta voodoo dolls for us to poke and mangle. We're studying the
dictionary at least five hours a day in vague tribute to David Cook's
self-professed "word nerd" status. And, in the back of our mind, we
still hope early castoff Josiah Leming will come back and somehow
claim victory. Finally, we went ahead and commissioned an
exclusive drawing of Simon Cowell as Willy Wonka surrounded by his
Archuleta Oompa Loompas for your viewing pleasure. Read into it what you will. Check out our exclusive interview with Simon about his pick for the finale here, and remember: A vote for
Archuleta is a vote for terrorism.
Illustration by Grant Siedlecki
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 From the looks of disgust on Simon Cowell's face this season, it might seem like he despises each of the American Idol contestants with equal vigor. Not true! As Blender has learned, Simon despises one contestant less than the others.
Who do you think deserves to win this season? we asked Simon. "Probably David Cook," he drawled. "I think he's done more to deserve it over the eleven weeks. He's taken more risks, he's done things with certain songs that have been more interesting. If I'm gonna base it on who has done the best performances over the live shows, David Cook deserves to win."
Of course it's also true that Simon is coaching Cook this week, which means he'll sing "The First Time Ever I Saw Your Face," a ballad also recorded by Cowell's chart-topping X Factor discovery, Leona Lewis. "I love that song! David Cook didn't even know what it was," Cowell snorted.
For an obnox — uh, opinionated guy like Simon, nothing is more ruinous to good television than boring contestants. He was clearly not pleased with Jason Castro ("He just gave up — I get frustrated over that"). "There was a classic moment last week," Cowell continues unhappily. "We had these callers phone in and I forget what the question was — 'What do you like?' — and they just sat there. They couldn't talk. It was literally un-be-liev-able."
Is it because they're all working to ingratiate themselves with voters? "Of course! It's like they've studied the show and they don't want to put a foot wrong. And that's going to have to change, going forward. I want what I call gobby, talkative people on the show."
So, next season of Idol: gobby, talkative singers. We won't say which contestant Simon finds the most boring, but we will mention this: When told that his Blender interviewer bears a resemblance to David Archuleta, Cowell roared, "I would think you have a bit more personality than he does."
BONUS: Check out our weekly American Idol Scorecard round-up here.
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