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 From the looks of disgust on Simon Cowell's face this season, it might seem like he despises each of the American Idol contestants with equal vigor. Not true! As Blender has learned, Simon despises one contestant less than the others.
Who do you think deserves to win this season? we asked Simon. "Probably David Cook," he drawled. "I think he's done more to deserve it over the eleven weeks. He's taken more risks, he's done things with certain songs that have been more interesting. If I'm gonna base it on who has done the best performances over the live shows, David Cook deserves to win."
Of course it's also true that Simon is coaching Cook this week, which means he'll sing "The First Time Ever I Saw Your Face," a ballad also recorded by Cowell's chart-topping X Factor discovery, Leona Lewis. "I love that song! David Cook didn't even know what it was," Cowell snorted.
For an obnox — uh, opinionated guy like Simon, nothing is more ruinous to good television than boring contestants. He was clearly not pleased with Jason Castro ("He just gave up — I get frustrated over that"). "There was a classic moment last week," Cowell continues unhappily. "We had these callers phone in and I forget what the question was — 'What do you like?' — and they just sat there. They couldn't talk. It was literally un-be-liev-able."
Is it because they're all working to ingratiate themselves with voters? "Of course! It's like they've studied the show and they don't want to put a foot wrong. And that's going to have to change, going forward. I want what I call gobby, talkative people on the show."
So, next season of Idol: gobby, talkative singers. We won't say which contestant Simon finds the most boring, but we will mention this: When told that his Blender interviewer bears a resemblance to David Archuleta, Cowell roared, "I would think you have a bit more personality than he does."
BONUS: Check out our weekly American Idol Scorecard round-up here.
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With this season coming to an end we look back
on the good, bad and Awkward (that’s right—capital ‘A’) performances of American
Idol. We thought last night would be chock full of knock-your-socks-off
performances considering it was the last chance to work the judges and
fate-holding phone-dialers before next week’s final. Instead, the three
remaining contestants did some gawky dancing and turned in sub par performances
that made us wonder if any of them has a shot at a legit post-Idol career.
  David Archuleta: Two key lyrics sum up the night for Archie:
“boo” and “shawty.” We commend him for trying something different but, let’s be
real, it was unfortunate to watch uncoordinated middle school dancing and
hip-hop lyrics coming from everyone’s favorite wide-eyed high schooler.
 Syeshsa Mercado: Seyesha gave a great karaoke performance of “If
I Ain’t Got You” that could fool a half-deaf person. However, the judges seemed to think she looked better than she
sounded after “a lame cabaret performance” of “Fever.” She lasted longer than
anyone thought, so good for her.
  David Cook: David Cook is a rocker and we like
it. What makes him more worthy to win the American Idol title is his
stellar performance of “The First Time Ever I Saw Your Face”.
It’s obvious that Cook has the range to go from rock to soulful ’60s, and Simon
helped him close the episode by exclaiming, “David Cook wins the night!”
Read
about Simon’s totally not gay love of David Cook in our exclusive interview
here. |
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This should have been our night. After enduring everything from hokey Andrew Llyod Webber to disjointed Neil Diamond themed evenings, finally, an entire episode of American Idol devoted to The Rock. And yet, the best performances came from a Disney ready teenager with a freakishly wide smile. Idol has never really been kind to the rockers (does anyone remember Bo Bice?) and this year was no different. Least offensive-to-rock moment: David Cook leaning all the way in to his version of the Who's "Baba O'Riley." Most offensive-to-rock moment: Soon to be ousted contestant Jason Castro forgetting the words to Bob Dylan's "Hey, Mr. Tambourine Man."
 David Cook: Cook's decidedly mediocre take on Duran Duran's "Hungry Like the Wolf" was super underwhelming but luckily Idol's last remaining rocker delivered with a unique and emotive take on "Baba O'Riley." Cook is still in the running to win, and if he did he'd be Idol's first real rock star.
 Syesha Mercado: Why is she still here? Her version of "Proud Mary" was a sad impersonation of Tina Turner while her take on Sam Cooke's "A Change is Gonna Come" was pageant-ready. She did cry though, which, as Hillary knows, draws the sympathy vote every time.
Jason Castro: Who is still voting for this guy? Is it Teen Beat subscribers? If Jason Castro was busking in a New York City subway people would be throwing gum wrappers into his Rasta striped guitar case. Make. Him. Go. Away.
David Archuleta: The kid should win. He's like the lost cast member of High School Musical without an orange tan or nudie photos to sully his pristine reputation. Little David has been the favorite for weeks and he's still the one to beat.
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After all those
years in the spotlight, you'd think Mariah Carey would've perfected a fake
smile by now. But there she was last night — uncomfortable plastic grin firmly in place —
doing her best Paula impression as she went on about how she hoped each
of the remaining seven finalists make it to "the top of the charts" (as
long as she doesn't have a single out at the same time, we assume).
Aside from Celine Dion, there's possibly no greater Idol archetype than
Mariah, and as several contestants tried (and failed) to impersonate her, she seemed
slightly surprised at her own influence. We're still waiting for this
season's designated curmudgeon judge (a la Bon Jovi last year) — maybe
Neil Diamond will bring the bitterness in a couple weeks ... (watch last
night's performances here).
 David
Archuleta: Archuleta to Mariah: "I'm not worthy to be in
your presence." True! Also: Leather pants?! Pathetic how the judges
are scared to criticize him in fear of losing every Idol viewer under
15.
 Jason
Castro: If it wasn't for David Cook, everyone would be
talking about Castro for the second week in a row. Jack Johnson + sex =
a potentially lucrative post-Idol career playing to teenage girls and
their stoner moms.
 David
Cook: The guy's ability to turn anything and everything into a Def Leppard
power ballad is staggering. Easily one of the year's best performances — and, if you believe Dial Idol, it could mark the point when he
surpassed that other David.
 Kristy
Lee Cook: Whether Vote for the Worst paid Mariah
to tell her "you gave me goosebumps" is up for debate, but this
one-note hick is truly getting on our nerves at this point. She's not
just hanging in there, but thriving. Horny country bumpkins, please stop
voting for this cross-eyed automaton.
 Syesha
Mercado: Mariah clearly hated her. We couldn't be more indifferent.
 Carly
Smithson: Will be the latest big-voiced Idol to bite the
dust due to a lack of originality. It'll be interesting to see her
tattoo-faced husband's non-reaction when Seacrest says bye-bye.
 Brooke
White: Though we're not Brooke's biggest fans, she stuck
to her winning "Let It Be" formula and
nailed (most of) "Hero." That whole bit about her getting a cardboard
cutout of herself to place at her sister's wedding was tremendously
creepy though.
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Learning about the song that inspires someone most can be an emotionally enriching experience. Then again, if that song is "Dream On" or "The Show Must Go On," it can also be an annoying, head-scratching bore, too. Note to Michael Johns: "Dream On" never inspired anyone to do much beyond playing air guitar. And David Cook's hammy tribute to alt-rock also-rans Our Lady Peace nearly inspired us to change the channel (heyo!). Idol gives back; Idol takes away. Lots of red arrows this week (watch the performances here):
David Archuleta: "Angels" was a smart, safe choice and everything, but it's not "one of the best pop songs [ever] written." Sorry, Simon.
Jason Castro: Quite simply one of the best moments of the season. Check out the version of "Over the Rainbow" Castro ripped off here.
David Cook: Note to potential Idol winners: People don't want to hear you sing a song by your "favorite band" if that band isn't famous. Cook might get a trip to the Bottom Three for his self-indulgent move, and hopefully it'll get him back to copying Chris Cornell ASAP. Also: Simon's chuckle during Cook's "give back" hand job was priceless.
Kristy Lee Cook: Once again, she uses her underdog status to her advantage here, painting herself as an independent who's just following her heart, y'all. According to Dial Idol, it worked. Still, we're not falling for this country bumpkin or her man stances.
 Michael Johns: One of the more stubborn Idol contestants in recent memory, he won't stop with the classic rock swill no matter how many times Simon (and everyone else) tells him to sing a blues-soul song. Maybe a Bottom Three scare will convince him to ditch his next Doors tribute.
Syesha Mercado: Her strategy — singing not-terrible versions of songs everyone knows — is reaching its logical limit as we enter the final stages of this year's Idol. Barring a complete screw up from one of her competitors, she should fall next week.
Carly Smithson: Just as she gets her look together, Carly loses the plot. A couple weeks ago, we gave her credit for powering through a monster final note; last night, she seemed to give up as the song came to a close. Could make for an apropos farewell performance.
Brooke White: The whole "crying after every performance" bit is grating, whether Brooke means it or not. She has no range. Her smile is frightening. She will not be famous. |
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| Dolly Parton is a legendary songwriter and personality, a wise businesswoman and an ageless sex symbol. But she's not the greatest American Idol mentor. While it's impossible to get angry at Dolly, most of her toothless critiques could've come from a blissed-out 10-year-old. And, considering last night's lackluster performances, most of the Idols could've used some more constructive criticism. And we can't believe Kristy Lee Cook is going to make it into the Top 8.
David Archuleta: Scary to think that Lil Davey can still route the competition based on a completely middling, comfort-zone performance like this one. Maybe if he forgets the lyrics in the finale, David Cook could have a chance ... maybe.
Jason Castro: Dolly on Jason: "I would dread to have to do those locks!" Pwned!
David Cook: It's great how he made his own arrangement and everything this time ... but he should probably go back to stealing other peoples' arrangements.
Kristy Lee Cook: She hates her mom.
Michael Johns: We've been hoping for Michael to let out his inner soul man since he originally auditioned with an Otis Redding song and, a couple months later, he finally does it. And he even ditched the cheese-ball Bono moves, too! Dude, cut the classic rock — this is what you need to be doing every week.
 Ramiele Malubay: We won't miss all those "big voice in a tiny body" comments.
Syesha Mercado: Captain obvious shoots herself in the foot with a lame Whitney impression. Also, what's with all this sitting?
Carly Smithson: It's a lot easier to root for Carly as an underdog, and her relatively understated performance was one of the night's best. And that boot-to-head shot in tandem with Simon's fashion take-down was a bit cruel, even for Idol.
Brooke White: Has clearly never heard the White Stripes version of "Jolene." |
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| After wringing all it could out of the Beatles over the last two weeks, Idol returned strong yesterday — even Kristy Lee Cook didn't completely suck (she still sucked, though). And it's always nice to see Archuleta blow it. Here, we break down the Top Ten (watch all of last night's performances here):
David Archuleta: First thing: there's no way he's taking that girl to prom. Second thing: "Your the Voice" is at best a parody of a junior high assembly song and, at worst, a subversive Scientology anthem.
Jason Castro: After his sub-coffeehouse performance, we learned Sting's "Fragile" is one of Randy's favorite songs. Randy's a clown.
 Chikezie: His startling Beatles performance looks to be the exception rather than the rule. Still, he has the best shot at a career with the sort of slow R&B he showed off last night, so more power to him.
David Cook: His YouTube formula works again as he makes the most out of Chris Cornell's amazing take on "Billie Jean." Can he just replace Daughtry right now and get it over with?
Kristy Lee Cook: Simon called "God Bless the U.S.A." a "clever" song choice — we call it diabolical. After all, who needs talent when you've got blind, soulless patriotism?
Michael Johns: Whenever we hear "We Will Rock You/We Are the Champions," we will think of The Mighty Ducks. Not a bad association.
Ramiele Malubay: If this competition was totally based on cuteness, she'd win. Too bad it's not.
Syesha Mercado: She's still downright detestable offstage (stop doing that baby cry, please), but she's improving where it counts most.
Carly Smithson: Spooked by last week's Bottom Three scare, she bent all the way down to push through the powerhouse finish. Whether the note was in pitch or not doesn't matter — she wants to win this thing more than anyone else.
Brooke White: As long as she's pretty and sings one of the Top Ten Most Popular Songs of the 20th Century, she'll last (unfortunately). Also: stop pouting. |
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Last week's Lennon/McCartney night was the most entertaining episode of the season, filled with surprises (Chikezie steps it up! Archuleta forgets lyrics!), greatness (David Cook is a rock star!) and horribleness (Kristy Lee Cook is not smart!). Last night's opportunistic Beatles retread, on the other hand, was frustratingly mediocre. Even worse: soulless whiz kid Archuleta turned in the night's best performance. Here's our take on who lost and gained ground while downgrading the Fab Four (watch all of the performances here):
David Archuleta: He has the depth of a Care Bear on Xanax, but he worked the "serious" face to maximum effect with "The Long and Winding Road." Lennon would cringe; Manilow would cheer.
Jason Castro: He thought the "my belle" in "Michelle" was English, i.e., "Michelle, my bell." To reiterate, he thought Paul was comparing his love to a bell. Never thought we'd say this but, dude, cut back on the weed.
Chikezie: If at first you succeed, repeat yourself until the judges get sick of it!
David Cook: His brilliant process: 1) Pick a song. 2) Type the name of the song into YouTube. 3) Look for the most hair metal version of the song. 4) Perform said hair metal version of the song while acting like an '80s rock star. 5) End up in Dial Idol's Top 5.
Kristy Lee Cook: She squirts vinegar in her horse's face. She never heard "You've Got to Hide Your Love Away" before last week. She came off like a (terrible) Cher impersonator during her performance. She loses.
Michael Johns: "A Day in the Life" was easily one of the worst song choices of the season. A spirited take on "Don't Let Me Down" could've made him a front runner again.
Ramiele Malubay: If she's going to continue to disappoint like this, she may as well get the ax.
Syesha Mercado: Realized you can't lose by performing a really famous Beatles song in a really conventional way. Still hard to shake her desperate actress vibe, though.
 Amanda Overmyer: "It's a hell of a lot better than the flatbed trucks I'm used to playing on," said the should-be pro wrestler after her first performances on the Idol stage. She scares us.
Carly Smithson: We still don't get her appeal, but "the Irish girl" did get Randy to break out some interesting new slang: "the cooliosis factor." Somewhere, Coolio is thinking he's more important than he is.
Brooke White: Get a guitar in front of her post-haste. |
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