Moby Does the DNC: The Ice Fisherwoman, the Trained Monkey, and Bird Porn

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Moby Does the DNC: The Ice Fisherwoman, the Trained Monkey, and Bird Porn

Posted 8/29/2008 5:24:00 PM by Moby

Filed under: democratic national convention, Moby, Obama, Politics, Porn

All this week, Moby is covering the Democratic National Convention exclusively for Blender.com.

(FILED 4:45 pm ET)

Blog 6? Is it? Or blog 5? The mind's not what it used to be.

I'm back in NYC. In fact, in the spirit of full disclosure, I have to confess that I came back to NYC last night so that I could watch Obama's speech on my crummy little 14" television. Not that I feel the need to justify my actions, but allow me to justify my actions.

1. Everyone I spoke to in Denver said that security at the Enormodome was going to be awful, and that they were expecting people to be in their seats 5 hours before Obama was scheduled to speak.

2. I wanted to experience Obama's speech the same way that the rest of the world was going to experience it, on TV. You can have a great concert, but if it doesn't translate well on TV then most people will remember it as a terrible concert. So I came home and sat in front of my crummy, little TV (one of the many things for which I'm ridiculed by my friends: my crummy little TV, my clothing choices, my lack of hair, etc. I think I need new friends).

And it was a good speech. Lots of substance, lots of emotion, lots of weight. Which was good, and exactly what he needed to do. And then I wake up today (in NYC) to find out that John McCain has picked Michael Palin from Monty Python as his running mate. Isn't that illegal, as Michael Palin is British?

Oh, oops, Sarah Palin, the governor of Alaska.

What a weird fucking choice. Nothing against Sarah Palin, but is she really ready to be an 1/8th of an inch away from the Presidency? I mean, McCain and the GOP say that obama is inexperienced? Does she even have a passport? I mean, really, does she actually have a passport? Has she ever left the country? Call me crazy, but doesn't “foreign policy experience” involve actually going to foreign places on occasion? You know, foreign places where they do foreign things and eat foreign foods and watch the news in foreign languages?
You probably have more foreign policy experience than she does, and I don't even know who you are.

Oh, that's right, I'm supposed to be blogging about Denver, even though I'm back in NYC. I'd probably have more things to say about Denver were I actually still in Denver, but I'm not actually in Denver anymore. And I'm distracted by John McCain picking this inexperienced woman to be his running mate.

Actually, more than distracted, kind of baffled.

I'm sure she's nice and smart and all, and she was probably a very effective mayor of Wasilla, Alaska (pop. 5,400), but presidential material? I hear she's a good ice fisher and she goes snow-shoeing. Er, and that's presidential how?

But you're not paying me to opine on politics, in fact you're not paying me at all. I'm just your trained monkey on the ground in Denver. Or not in Denver, as the case is now.

And, here's some opining, what are the Republicans going to talk about during their convention? I mean, really, their record? The last 8 years? Obama's inexperience (Obama the senator who has spent lots of time overseas and has Joe Biden as his running mate)? I can imagine someone at the GOP convention standing onstage and stopping their speech and saying, “You know what? The truth is we got nothin'. I'm just going to stand here and check my email while you guys go get hot dogs.”

Oh, I forgot to mention, I did see a bunch of protesters on my last day in Denver, although I couldn't really tell what exactly they were protesting. My favorite protester was holding a sign that said NO MORE BIRD PORN. Said sign also featured a drawing of 2 birds having sex. It's possible that she (the protester) was just being funny, but I'd rather assume that she was bat-shit crazy and that she's really up in arms about the evils of bird porn. Were I to run for office I would make eradicating bird porn a cornerstone of my legislative agenda.

thanks,
-moby