Jon Dolan, Josh Eells, Joe Levy, Rob Sheffield, Rob Tannenbaum, Jonah Weiner, Douglas Wolk
TO SEE THIS LIST IN PHOTOS, CLICK HERE33. SEXIN’ ALL NIGHT LONGUsher, Keith Sweat, AC/DC, Prince … we could go on and on about the mack daddies who brag about going on and on—hittin’ it, workin’ it and doing other stuff to it—until the break of dawn. Even Dokken have a song about all-night boning. Two words for all these guys:
Shyeah, right! Have you actually ever tried sexin’ it for more than, like, two hours? You get bored. You get sores. You get tired. Call us square, but unless you’re Sting or a crystal-meth addict, an all-night sex marathon sounds about as fun as an all-day
Friends marathon.
Underrated alternative: Sexin’ for 45 minutes and getting 10 hours of sleep
32. KISSMemo to Gene Simmons: Either take your shirt off or put your pants on. As a band, they’re about as perfunctory as Gene’s sex tape—they’re a tiresome, bickering circus act with a few decent glam songs.
Underrated alternative: Cheap Trick
31. THE IN RAINBOWS MODELRecord industry: evil! Paying what you want: good! But even in the “intellectual property wants to be free” age, a glorified tip jar isn’t going to work for most bands—Girl Talk notwithstanding, if the act doesn’t have a pretty huge fan base already, they can basically forget it. And if you look a little more closely at what Radiohead did, they actually made a lot of their money from
In Rainbows the old-fashioned way: selling physical copies, including fancy, limited-edition versions with premium price tags.
Underrated alternative: Tour-exclusive CDs
30. “FREEBIRD”If Lynyrd Skynyrd’s Ronnie VanZandt were alive today, he’d be rolling from town to town, beating the crap out of every last d-bag who feels the need to scream, “Freebird!” from the back row at a concert. We’ve got news for you, buddy, “Freebird” wasn’t even Skynyrd’s top six-string epic. That honor would have to go to “I Need You,” from side one of
Second Helping, highly recommended the next time you get the urge to blow your child-support check guzzling fifths of Jim Beam, playing air guitar and humping cattle. The South’s gonna do it again, baby!
Underrated alternative: “I Need You”
29. GETTING RICK RUBIN TO PRODUCE YOUR RECORDIt’s not 1986, you’re not the Red Hot Chili Peppers and Johnny Cash is dead.
Underrated alternative: Getting Rick Rubin to produce your beard